Bumpy....

That lower tension just doesn't want to quite disappear today. I so wish that would just disappear but it's part of the process, not going to gain any fat on those tummy muscles anytime soon anyhow!! I think today was just one of those overwhelming days. 1099's due for clients who didn't give information until today, finding out my 225gb hard drive had 7gb left (computers 4 years old). Luckily we have a portable but still have to do the process of transferring files etc. Then just where i'm at with everything else has made for a very long day.  I just pray that one day Dave gets enough settled in himself to contact us. I've been very realistic with myself on everything, maybe too realistic?  I'm just thankful for God's strength because without it i can't begin to imagine where i'd be.  Grow in patience and Faith, patience for me is a very hard lesson. I don't believe i've ever been a situation where there's absolutely nothing that can be done at all to help resolve it. Kind of takes two people participating for that to happen. So have to patiently wait for God to resolve it. At least he knows what's going on with Dave. That brings a measure of comfort. Enough rambling for now....

Daily Battle

Today, for some reason, has been a rough emotional one so far. I do believe my problem is coming to grips with the fact that Dave was allowed to walk off. God allowed it to happen so there is a purpose, that i know. It's the struggle of part of God's plan in my life to be for someone I've known and loved for 23 years to just disappear, to vanish. I just pray that in this process that Dave finds God, finds the strength that God gives in the battles. Because that's where he's going to find victory over what he's struggling with. Strength comes in prayer and willingness for His will.  For now that's a many times a day process for me because human emotions are so strong. I can see where i've been prepared for this event even naturally. God cares for his own, basic needs are met, not wants but needs.  Oh for the peace of a perfect trust....

A Wonderful Funeral

Virginia's passing was a good reminder of what we have to look forward to. Life has it ups and downs, which i'm quite intimately aware of now a days but the end result is so worth the growth that those ups and downs bring. A good friend messaged me this saying: The test of faith is whether we have patience to await the Lord's time. I guess i obviously need to work on my patience! I believe that this has all happened for a purpose, I just want the end result, what ever it may be, a lot quicker then the plan is! And last of all today.... Appreciate what you have personally and spiritually and don't take it for granted! We get into routines and so forth and lose track of all that we have and hold dear.

Stressed!!!

It's been a really long day! Up and down with the emotions and then to have problems with what i'm working on for work, 15000+ off on an account and it appears everything was entered correctly, HELP!!!  Prayer helped, feel better now luckily. At least my clients were thoughtful, i've never gotten paid so quick in all the years i've been doing bookkeeping! Made the house payment with my income this month YEA!!! I'm thankful when the bad overwhelms the good that there is that place of prayer to bring everything back into line. We're headed to Virginia's funeral tomorrow so see lots of you there. Thank you again.

Another Day

Overall an ok day today. Today it was coming to grips with the fact that Dave doesn't want to come home. That's a real tough one. Sometimes I think I've kind of accepted it and then comes a time when I think of what we did together in a similar situation to the one I'm in at the time.  Today it was when i was entering data for a client on my computer at the table, Dave would have been sitting in the chair not far away. With God's help we're getting thru it though. I asked a client how people get thru something like this without God, his reply was drugs and alcohol. Such a scary thought!

Intense day yesterday

Wow, the last couple of days have been intense emotional days! They left me really jittery last night and this morning. I think the misery Dave must have been in is what has bothered me the most. But God can deliver a person from that misery if they let him so that has been my prayer. That Dave would seek God to help him. We read in Psalms 86 this morning and I now understand the "for I cry unto thee daily" part. My margin has all the day for daily. Cry all the day unto Him, our great help in times of trouble. It also mentions "art a God full of compassion..." in v. 15, love that thought too.  I did get my payroll done yesterday and will start doing a bunch of data entry for another account today. I'm feeling a bit better now writing these rambling thoughts... All take care.

Doing Laundry

For some reason laundry is one of the harder things I've had to do these last few days. Seems weird without Dave's clothes being involved.  Got a bit of work done today though so that was good! Got some payroll mailed out so people can get their W-2's. I love one of the things that Jay mentioned last night in gospel meeting last night; fruit doesn't grow on the mountain top, it grows in the valley. It's the valley experiences that produce our fruit.

Hymn- I need thee every hour....

It definitely is a hour by hour deal sometimes and i'm thankful that God is there at all times. Emotions roller coaster between accepting that God has a perfect plan and being at peace with that to missing Dave a ton with the anxiety that goes with it. I know each day will get a little better but the roller coaster effect on emotions is wearing! I do want him found, him home.... but is that God's plan? Is Dave willing for God's plan, am I willing for God's plan? Going to gospel meeting here real soon so that will help! I will probably say this a lot but i'm very thankful for everyone's love and care for our family and prayers for our family.

First Post

Trying to get myself motivated to finish payroll that's needs to be mailed next Monday/Tuesday. It's been really hard but life doesn't stop for anything and there's God to rely on, which helps a lot.