4 months

It's been a while! Overall things are going better but this 4 month mark seems to be hard and also with Mother's Day coming up. I feel for my mother-in-law! Being Dave's her only son/child. We'll have to do something special that day for ourselves! I'm trying to not think about the why's, it does no good and just gets me tensed up. God knows where Dave is and knows his heart and knows when the right time is for things to happen and I need to be content with that. I still don't have any new accounts (except for the one in February). The payroll accounts I was hoping to get, looks like they won't happen. :-( And it was so promising! Guess it's not time yet! Can't wait for next week, warm garden weather. Maybe I'll start a blog on my garden! :-)

Forgiveness

It came to me today as I was reading in 2 Corth. Although I not I'm angry with Dave, have I really forgiven him for what he did? Where there's unforgiveness  there's a opening for Satan to work. I'm thinking that's part of why I'm finding it hard to get on with life so to speak. To find the peace in the situation. Satan hits our weak points and this is a very weak point for me right now. I miss him terribly, pray that he'll allow God to work in him before it's too late but other then praying I can do nothing but forgive and be the best example I can be.

On another note, Christina made it to nationals for SkillsUSA in advertising design! She gets to represent Oregon in that section of the competition. She's so excited! and so am I! And 4 A's and 3 B's on her progress report!

The struggle to accept continues....

It's become quite obvious over the last few weeks that I'm not supposed to know ANYTHING at this point. A little door all the sudden will open to possibly learn something then it slams shut just as quick with nothing learned. The struggle comes in accepting that.  Human nature demands that I know something and I know at this point that simply isn't going to happen. I feel like today has been a little easier in accepting it but then it's just the start of the day! Strength to accept comes through prayer and from God. I appreciated what we heard Sunday evening. God works in the heart and the conscience of the lost. God knows what's going on with the lost. I need to continually remind myself that God is in control. And at this point it's apparently better that we don't know what is going on.
On another note. I got more stuff gone through yesterday. The yard sale pile grows bigger and bigger! And slowly things get less and less cluttered.

Leave it in God's hands

That was the message i got from meetings yesterday and from reading this morning. This morning I just randomly picked up some notes to read and low and behold this was in them:  Trust in the Lord, delight in the Lord, and commit thy way to the Lord.  Then rest in the Lord.  Just sit back with perfect confidence.  That is what it means to rest in the Lord.  You put your situation in His hands, you put your life in His hands, you put your cares in His hands, you turn the situation over to Him, and then you rest calmly, sit back and wait for Him to take over, because you have all the faith in the world that you do the right thing and the Lord will take over and do what you can’t do. Doing the right thing in this situation is to have the Faith that God will do what's best. I'm working REAL hard at leaving it in his hands. I struggle daily with my mind wandering to different solutions. I'll get everything on track and before I know it off my mind goes again. So the goal is to have that complete rest which means I'll have reached that complete trust and faith. What a wonderful thought that when we have that and leave it to him he'll take over and take care of the situation and do what's best for us. Really when all is said and done, I'm telling God I don't trust him completely when I'm trying to figure out what might have happened to/with Dave. Why does it have to be so hard to overcome the human nature?  I feel like I DESERVE answers, the human nature response. The answer very well may be this is what needed to happen for me to grow, for Dave to eventually accept God. Looking back I can certainly see God's hand and yet it's still a struggle to let go even seeing that. This experience has sure shown me just how much I try to solve things under my own power. One more very valuable lesson is being learned. One that would have taken much longer for me to acknowledge if Dave hadn't disappeared. And I still miss the guy despite everything. I think it's harder to let go when you have lots and lots of good memories and very few bad ones.

Pattern

So I'm noticing a pattern now. By the end of each week I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. Sunday comes and that helps me get my focus back to where it needs to be. It's funny how out of nowhere the missing can hit you! I'm just thankful that I have some wonderful daughters! So I am working on keeping my focus more on the spiritual and less on what I can do nothing about. I know that in turn will help me to be the best mom I can be and best example I can be to others. And I'll work on building my business so I can at least pay the necessary bills.
Yesterday was good because I was able to get out and mow (first time ever!) and work in the yard. I'm just glad I did more last fall to prepare things then I normally do so there are some things that are already done that typically wouldn't be yet. Funny how that happened in a few areas of my life. All the more reason to know that God is in control and knows what we will need.