Awesome Birthday! :)

What a month this has been! Luckily it ended on a really wonderful note!!! As always this time of year is tough with so many different 'trigger' times in it. It starts with Mother's Day and finalizes with Father's Day, with the Rose parade and my birthday in between. This year my birthday and Father's Day followed one day after another. I typically have anxiety problems in my gut but that was extremely low level this years since I finally had my hormone levels checked and found out they were WAY out of whack. I technically should have been having more issues then I was having!! This year the anxiety went to the next vulnerable area, my neck and shoulders. I had fifth disease in my early 30's and that's where it really settled. I literally couldn't move my head for months and now have arthritis there because of it. Luckily I have a awesome Bowenworks lady that worked with my neck and shoulders and it has helped tremendously! I can almost completely turn my head to both sides. It's taken 3 weeks to do it though!! I know having Scarlet's issue with diabetes didn't help matters any but a lot of things are just the way they are and you can't do anything about it. So you learn to deal. And pray!!! I truly think that's why I wasn't worse mood wise with my out of whack hormones. I know it helped years ago when I'd have my monthly crankiness!! :)

Now on to my wonderful day yesterday! :)  I got taken to a little tea house in West Linn. Awesome place!!! There's a cute little store and they have a tea room in the back. The food is soooo good!!! You get a little bit of this and a little bit of that as well as a pot of tea. Lots of teas to choose from! They even do gluten free and what they substitute for the scone is so light and yummy!! You'd never know it's was gluten free. There were 6 of us and 3 of us had birthday's yesterday! 2 hours later we had to leave so the next batch of people could come in to eat. They do the reservations in 2 hour shifts. There was an 11, 1, 3 and maybe 5? I think it's called Blue Moon. I'm thinking this would be a lovely tradition to set. Go to the Blue Moon for my birthday each year.

From there I went to the Red, White and Blue store. I found a very pretty dishware set for $20. 12 plates, 12 saucer plates, 11 salad plates, 10 bowls and 7 cups. Here's a picture of what it looks like:

I love, love, love the pattern!!! Now I can get rid of the 25 year old everyday dishes. I was more then ready for a new set but have been keeping an eye out at this store since they have such awesome bargains. I also found a bunch of Bernstein Bear and Magic School Bus books for the girls. The pack's of books are between $2.95 and $4.95 and you get around 8 books per a pack. I also found a really nice purse for $3 and a pack of office supplies that had really cute kitty stationary in it as well as a couple of other packs of stationary, a couple of notebooks that I know are worth at least $5 each, rubber bands, glue sticks etc. All of that was just over $40!!! My birthday treat to me thanks to a friend giving me birthday money! I highly recommend that store! They have really amazing stuff for very reasonable prices. I just looked them up and they're actually in 9 different states!

After that I got taken to dinner by my Mother-in-Law. Black Angus has the most awesome fried zucchini and cucumber dip! Yummmm!!!  And I got to see Blake and Erika and the girls. Christina was there as well. :)  On a side note, I'm out of touch with restaurant prices... they're getting ridiculous, but then so are the grocery store prices so I guess it makes sense.

And then lunch with Lee I. today. A lovely way to end a stress filled month!!!

Scarlet's update

As many of you know Scarlet really gave us a scare late Sunday night! Teagan and Scarlet had both been sick with the flu (para influenza type 3 to be exact thanks to hospital testing), so Erika didn't really think much of it when she threw up and starting getting dehydrated. But when she tried to do something about the dehydration it just got worse and she got listless and started becoming unresponsive Erika took her into Mt. Hood. I believe she reached coma stage right about the time that they reached the hospital. When they did a brain scan they saw 2 spots but no swelling. Then they took her by ambulance to Randal's Children's Hospital. Her blood sugar levels were at 566 when she went in! A test that helps them determine what past levels have been showed that she's been over 300 for AT LEAST 2 months! She's only 7 months (8 the 26th of May). It's no wonder she hasn't smiled as much as Teagan did, she's probably been feeling awful for a long time! There is a chance that she was actually born with the diabetes and it's not Type 1. We actually hope that's the case since there's a good chance she'd grow out of it and not need insulin when she's an adult. But their fairly sure that it is Type 1. We have to wait 10 days for that test to come back and somewhere around 6 weeks for the test results of the other type. As of now Scarlet is on 2 units of long lasting insulin once a day in the evening. (It has to be administered at the exact same time every day) and then on the quick working insulin as needed. Blood sugars get checked before each feeding if it has been over 3 hours since the last insulin shot. But blood sugars do not need to be checked if she eats and it's only been 2 hours since the last insulin shot. At this point sometimes she needs the insulin shot before eating and sometimes not. She's went a couple of feedings at times without needing it. Target range is 100-200 for blood sugar readings.

She technically came out of her coma Monday afternoon, however her levels needed a lot of work needless to say. Interestingly enough the one they had the most trouble with was the ionized calcium, it kept dropping. That one finally stayed at acceptable levels yesterday. That is the free floating calcium in the blood stream. She started off pretty listless but has quickly gained strength. I honestly think this is the best she has felt her whole short life! Yesterday she got moved from ICU and today (Friday) she got to go home. They were saying Saturday just yesterday but I think since Erika did such an awesome job of stepping to the plate and taking care of blood sugar readings and giving the shots they realized she was in very competent hands and let her out early!

There was an MRI done to check the spots on the brain and they believe that it is bleeding due to lack of oxygen when she went into the coma but they aren't absolutely positive if there was bleeding. The spots were in the same spot an each side of her brain on the frontal lobe. They don't think at this point it will affect her long term since she's doing so well, however only time will tell. They told them to keep an eye on her development. She's been very interactive. Apparently it's far enough back that the doctor can't say for sure if there will be issues. If it was further forward she could have said what we'd notice so the doctor said that is actually good news that she doesn't know! She does have a spot of calcification on her brain stem that they found while doing the MRI and that is totally unrelated to what happen this week. The neurologist has no clue why it's there or what caused it and is going to research it. In four months they'll do another scan to make sure that it hasn't grown. Who knows maybe this calcification is why the whole thing happened this way! She had to have the MRI to find that spot of calcification.

Here's the thing though, Erika has said all along that she urinated A LOT more then Teagan ever did and has said that multiple times to the doctor. She also has been sick a lot. It seems like she gets every single virus that comes along and that she takes forever to get over the illnesses. Her last month in the womb she really didn't gain weight and they've never been able to figure out why since that's when most weight is put on. However she did gain weight fairly quickly after she was born. But still she's not near as 'chunky' as Teagan was. She's right around 15 lbs. Another sign was how often she ate. Erika said she seemed to be a bottomless pit. Teagan was sleeping through the night by now and Scarlet very rarely has done that. It seems like every two or three hours she's ready to eat again. Erika has nursed her this whole time although she has started getting some baby food the last month and half. Another sign was her breathing, when she gets sick she has problems with her breathing, in reality she's had problems since birth with her breathing. She was in NICU her first week due to that. Looking back all of those are signs of diabetes but since it only happens to less then 1% of babies it just never occured to the doctors.

Lots of detail here and quite frankly I'm typing the detail so if my missing husband ever decides to look for the blog what's going on with his granddaughter is here! I'm so thankful for the out pouring of love and care that everyone has shown. I'm sure there was lots of prayers going up for Scarlet this week! I've been very thankful for my faith and for a Father that can give so much comfort in times of turmoil.

Here's some of my favorite pictures:

 

Catching up

It has been a long and busy 3 to 4 months! Business is going awesome. Some clients have fallen off due to financial issues, others are coming on. It's been pretty amazing and Erika is working out wonderfully! January was brutal and would have been undoable without her! It does seem like times might be getting a bit tougher for a lot of people so it'll be interesting to see how it all goes. One thing I'm very confident about is that my Father will pull me through no matter what happens! Christina is doing awesome! She is becoming quite the babysitter/nanny! And her personal growth... it's been so awesome to watch it happen!

One thing I'll say for anyone who has kids that have been through traumatic experiences. Somewhere a long the way they need to do counseling! Finding the right counselor can be tough. It took us quite a while to find one that worked, but now that we have she's helped Christina get over several 'humps'. Sometimes it takes someone outside a family to be able to help, someone that's not so close to the situation. Then they feel a lot safer letting loose of somethings that they need to let loose of. I'm fairly sure this has happened with Christina but I don't know for sure. They may feel they can't say what needs to be said and so it sits and festers.

The grandkids... oh my! Teagan is making Dad and Mom's life quite interesting. She tried to feed Scarlet a blueberry yesterday, whoops! :)  Scarlet is now 5 months and Teagan will be 2 next month! Where or where does the time go? Scarlet had lots of colic issues as well as a couple of other minor issues. We found out that Bowenwork works wonders on all of it! I've been going to a lady for quite a while for Bowenwork and when I mentioned Scarlet's issues she said she's been able to help babies with that. It took several session but it definitely made a difference! Her poor tummy was so hard from all the gas and over time, with the work on it, it softened considerably and tightness in other areas is much better as well. Be sure to look for Bowenwork and not just Bowen if you want to find somebody that does it. It's interesting, both girls have red hair, although it's different colors of red. But one is brown eyed and the other is blue eyed. And you talk about opposite personalities!! Teagan was off and crawling by now and Scarlet is content to just hang out. She loves to stand if you hold her, she also loves to just lay there and play with things. She manages to get places on her back or front if she feels like it but she's really into touching things. Teagan was too busy going to think about touching and seeing what things felt like. Scarlet started playing peek-a-boo. She'll pull the towel or blanket over her head then pull it back down again and gets the biggest smile when you say BOO! Teagan has become quite the chatterbox. She can put her own socks and shoes on and can pretty much, except the coat, get herself ready to go outside. What oh what to get a 2 year old for a birthday?!?

I guess this has been long enough! :) It has been so long since I updated. I'll try and do it quicker next time!!

3 year mark thoughts

Right now I'm in overwhelm mode and struggling to get perspective. A certain amount of anxiety has been my companion for the last couple of weeks and I've been puzzled as to why. Normally after the holiday's pass it really levels off and life goes on but this year it's gotten worse. My best guess is the three year mark and the finality of it all (although I do believe there will be a day when we do see Dave again). There's also my business that went completely into full time mode and then some the last couple of months. Possibly between the two it's combined for a perfect storm naturally speaking. Yesterday was very good for me and has helped. We heard at special meeting to just simply stay put where our Father has put us. Staying put IS doing something! It's staying in our place. There was one worker that spoke that I felt was speaking my own testimony. I loved what she said about not having a taint of an experience in our life, let our Father guide through the experience. Leaving it all in my Father's hands is where my thoughts of went this morning. Possibly I'm trying to take it on and handle it all myself without leaving in my Father's hands. Really no possibly about it, I have a tendency to do that much to often. The anxiety that could be gotten rid of! It's amazing how the anxiety eases off when I get to where I need to be in prayer. Unfortunately my mind tends to create scenarios and I'm constantly pulling myself back from those. Feel like a yo-yo sometimes! :) That human nature likes to rule and I need to stop giving into it!!! Allowing anxiety to build is allowing human nature to rule. I do believe I got out what needed to be gotten out! Thank you to those who have read my rambling thoughts to get to this point! :)

On another note my hope is that Dave will occasionally read my posts. If you do Dave then know that you are loved and missed by your family. Life brings changes and growth in many different ways and I am very thankful for the growth that this experience has brought me. As is proof above it's a struggle to get that growth but in the end so worth it!!!

That's why!!

I mentioned in my last post that I knew my Father would help me through but wondered why the anxiety was still so bad even though I knew it. We heard at gospel meeting tonight that we have a tendency to try and train our human nature to be divine but flesh is enmity against our Father. So it's impossible to train human nature to be divine. Divine nature is the nature of heaven. Our Father gives us the divine nature. Hope that makes sense! I very much feel like I've been trying to train my human nature to handle my anxiety as a divine nature instead of letting my Father help me handle the anxiety with the divine nature He gives.

I'm pretty sure the severity of the anxiety is hormonal based so it'll be a constant fight to stay on top of but I was very thankful for the revelation tonight and what the answer is. Another thing that we heard that I liked was don't worry about disciplining the human mind but allow our Father to work the divine nature into us. Along the same line, just worded more cleanly then what I said above! :)

Tough times

This last week has been pretty ridiculous! The anxiety has been bad this last week. Unfortunately it hit hard last night, glad I felt it coming and made sure a small trash can was next to the bed!!! UHG! Kind of a perfect storm, loss of 3 clients over the last month due to varying circumstances out of my control. Closed business, lying client and another that I'm quite frankly glad to see go (couldn't keep an appointment time at all and it was tough to get info from). Add to that the worry of paying monthly insurance next year and Christina asking things about Dave and re-awaking old memories and holiday time of year coming. (I'm not upset about the questions but none the less it's part of the equation) I'm also at a transition point in my business. Erika is supposed to come on the first of the year so I need to get out and network more to build the business and come up with some procedures so things don't get out of control. When I list all those things I guess it's somewhat understandable on a natural level to be in royal overwhelm mode!

I KNOW that I'll get through it with my Father's help! But for some reason, even though I know that, the anxiety is horrible right now. Does menopause hit some ladies that way??? So far frustration due to menopause isn't too bad, expect for a brief incident today. A friend came over yesterday and we had a really good talk about my business and what to do about getting out and networking and procedures to prepare. And then to have a stomach rebel after such a good talk! (mutter!) :)

The good things that have happened... Christina is getting better and better! I have one senior client and she's exactly what I was looking for! She even understands why I charge what I do! (She was a bookkeeper in her working days and had her own business!). I got a payroll from being with the BBB and helped another lady with her QuickBooks problems from another form of advertising (Neighborhood Notes). So there's definitely good to go with the bad. Interesting how we tend to focus on the bad and not the good!!! Also interesting that I got a note from a worker this week about storms and my friend called me and told me a hymn was going through her mind and she felt the need to call me...All through the storm Lord I see thy face.... Love the encouragement that comes when we need it the most! And I picked raspberries today! They're soooo yummy!

Bobbie (Mother-in-law), Blake, Erika, Teagan, and Scarlett came for dinner tonight. The girls are sooo cute and adorable! So it was a good afternoon!

Birthday Therapy Post

Dave's birthday is Saturday and boy could I tell it was coming! I've learned this week that I need to be brutally honest with myself if I'm going to get beyond this anxiety. As I was doing my post in Facebook I realized how many lives my not listening to my Father to begin with effected. It's hard but something that is so necessary for me to move on. I thought things were going really well but then this last couple of weeks anxiety hit hard, similar in strength to early last year. But the anxiety level has significantly decreased since I admitted to myself my part right at the beginning. The part where my Father answered my prayer about marrying in a still small voice. He told me it wouldn't last. I choose to ignore it and get married anyway. After all, Dave was the father of my daughter and I did love him. That was my human reasoning. But my Father knew what the result would be. After all it does tell us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers and that's what I did. It's impossible to fully commit oneself when the one you're married to doesn't believe. Now no one, who once knew him, knows where Dave is at. (Except our Father and I'm very thankful for that assurance.) There is still a piece missing that I need to work on, I can feel it, but for now I'm clueless what it might be! I'll pray about it, after all that's what finally opened up a part of what I needed to seek forgiveness for. We heard at convention that the smallest unforgiven sin will keep us out of heaven. I'm thankful that our Father is merciful and reveals those sins that we need to seek forgiveness for. It's just so real to me how careful I need to be in decisions that I make. Seek my Father's input on the decisions and LISTEN and OBEY. He knows the results, we can save a lot of heartache. We heard about needless sorrow and needless tears at convention too. When all is said and done this falls into that category. I am very thankful though for his mercy! He was giving me strength months before Dave left. I knew I was getting spiritually stronger, I could feel it, but until after Dave left I had no clue why. Looking back I can't say that the strength that I was receiving equaled my actions. I was getting better at prayer/reading but wasn't even close to where I needed to be. I've always been in awe of that and always will be most likely. I apologize for the rambling, I'm typing as it comes and this is literally a therapy post for me! I'm hoping that those that read it will realize the long term consequences of not listening to our Father, not obeying. Who would have thought that my marriage would go where it did? Who would have thought how many tears would be shed? The severity of Dave's actions would be? Did we have good years? Yes! Does he now know more about our Father and his Son? I'd like to think so! He knows what to look for if he ever becomes willing. But the root of all of it....  I'm very thankful for my daughters. Each has struggled in their own way. Christina, especially, has struggled with it but I do believe that progress is being made. Thank you so much for all the love and care and prayers! It means a lot!!!

Now to figure out what I still need to work on.....