Next step almost here

This morning is definitely a morning I wouldn't want to wish on anyone! My friend who's helping me with legal stuff and I went before a judge this morning. I'm not sure what the problem was but probably had something to do with me not knowing as much about the case as the judge felt I should. (I didn't have my case number memorized?) As it turned out SHE had the information that she was asking me for and she boy did she hound me for that information and asked why I didn't have it etc.  She had me swear that Dave wasn't military, raise the hand and everything. And I could be wrong and misunderstood her but when she had me swear that it really sounded like she said "Do you swear that he's in the military" of which i responded he is NOT in the military and gave my reasons. I guess if you're in the military than a longer time period for contact is allowed after posting a notice. She wouldn't allow my friend to stand with me. Of course my friend KNEW she had the information because she'd mailed it to her herself but the judge wouldn't allow her to say that. Luckily that gave me a clue of where to go. The good news is in the end she said she'd sign the papers after reading through them and making sure it was all in order. But oh boy, sure wish it hadn't happened on my birthday! But on the other hand it worked because there's no way I could have done any work after this mornings fiasco and since I'm taking the day off it worked out well. Pretty much lost it on the way home though and it's actually been quite a while since that happened while driving!

This has been a very hard step for me because I don't believe in divorce but legally I can't do things like sell his pickup unless there is a divorce to put it in my name. I can't sell the house unless he's off the deed. etc. I'm just very very thankful that I have one that is always there for me! A Father that I can always count on to help me through days like today. To everything there is a purpose and once again I learned where my strength comes from! And it's not me!!

Now the really cool thing.... Erika and Bobbie painted my family room/office yesterday! It looks so much better! And I got to spend some extended time with Teagan! Yesterday was an awesome day!

Getting perspective

I've had some struggles with anxiety recently with so much going on that I really have no control over. Talking with one of my aunts yesterday I realized that there are a least 4 major emotional things going on and it was no wonder there was anxiety. This morning when I woke up I then realized the reason the anxiety was trying to build so high was because I was trying to handle most of it myself. I should know after this last year and half that that doesn't work but it is absolutely amazing how subtly it happens. Yes there's a lot going on and humanly speaking it's perfectly normal for the anxiety to get bad, but when I have a Father that is there to step in and help me through there's no reason for the anxiety to get to where it was at. I love the help that my Sunday morning meeting was. Each has their struggles but there is so much spiritual help there because of those struggles. The biggest thing that we heard about and I need to work on is simple submission. I think I've mentioned in previous post about not taking back what I've given to my Father to handle. Well apparently I needed that reminder because that's what's happened in the recent weeks.  That's not submission, that's deciding that I want to do it my way and I'm to impatient to wait for my Father's will to be done. Here's another thought I've enjoyed the last couple of days from some notes I read. Sometimes we are overcome with laziness spiritually, that laziness looks like unwillingness but in reality it's not enough love. If I really love my Father and his son then I will WANT to do what's needed because when you love somebody you're willing to do whatever  is needed.

Then to really bring everything into perspective my brother called today and one of his friends has a husband (soon to be ex) that is in jail, and yesterday her 16 year old son committed suicide. I can't begin to imagine what that lady must be going through and it makes everything that I'm going through seem so insignificant. More perspective that I needed. Just as you think you've got it bad you hear something that makes you realize that it could be so much worse. I can't imagine losing one of my kids to suicide.

We all have our battles to go through. Some of them will be big life altering battles. This last year and half has hopefully been the one big life altering battle I'll have. Others will be small battles, am I going to get up early enough to gather spiritual thoughts to pull me through the day? or will I chose to sleep a little longer? A small battle but you know, in the end that could also be a life altering battle depending on what happens that day. Each battle fought and won with eternity in mind will get us closer and closer to the goal. A thought my cousin shared last Sunday, our souls will CRAVE the things of our Father when we pass to eternity just as our body craves the things of this earth while we're yet alive. We deny the natural craving of earthly things and allow spiritual work to be done instead and our souls craving in eternity will be forever fulfilled. I guess I'd better leave it at this!  (Still no contact)