A bit of soul baring

For the first time in a REALLY long time I listened to Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I now know why it's taken me so long. The memories of the December night before Dave left that he took us to one of their concerts in Portland came flooding back. I look back now and know that he was 'making memories' but at the time we didn't know that. I will always regret how I treated that night. I was more interested in the possible snow storm that might move in and my attention was distracted that night. I still wouldn't have really enjoyed it because their concerts are LOUD and I was at a point where that just made it not so enjoyable. However, that's no reason to brush someone off, especially your husband, when it became obvious he'd done it to try and please us, and in hindsight, make memories. It's brought home tonight that I need to pay attention how I treat people. For all I know that brush off could have sealed the deal, so to speak, of the path he'd decided on. I don't want those 'what if's'. It quite frankly hurts to have that what if. It makes my heart hurt to know that I just caused more hurt to someone who, in hindsight, was clearly hurting. It may very well not have changed anything but I didn't treat him properly that night. That was the last time that I really listened to that band until tonight. Guess it was time. The 27th of this month we will start year 10 of him being missing. Life goes on but really the memories haven't faded and there are nights like tonight that I really, really miss him. Now that all being said, I KNOW there's a purpose to all that has happened. I know that my Father is in control and for that I am extremely grateful but tonight I'm just missing Dave.