That word popped into my mind the other night when I was praying. I think this last week has shown me what I really need to work on. For those I've known for a LONG time, that seems to be last thing on my mind in certain circumstances! My Father has had soooo much compassion on me, why can it be so hard to show it to those I love? After all I've really pulled some doozy's and yet I KNOW my Father is still helping me and the only reason that'd be is because of He's showing me compassion. People get older, time goes by. It's interesting to watch people age. For the most part life is a full circle, we start out being helpless and our parents caring for us, if you live long enough by the end of life you're being cared for as you cared for your children. Unfortunately in that aging many things come back up and there doesn't seem to be as much control of the tongue, then my back goes up with some of what's said and as a result I don't show the spirit I need to. I NEED to be a proper example.
For those who check in now and again, thank you! And I apologize for my venting!
And on a completely separate subject, I've got to say that Erika is a very beautiful lady when's she's pregnant! :) Of course she is otherwise but even more so now! Time's getting soooo close!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Combating Negativity
I was so thankful for the reminder today that our Father is a just Father. I'm very thankful for friends that are strong spiritually that help me keep my head on straight! When you're in the middle of the situation it is much too easy to lose sight of what's important. The door has been open to the devil and it's hard to get control back!! I went into mama bear mode this morning and got very frustrated. I requested my daughter be left out of the middle of everything and find out this evening that that didn't happen, she's being told things that she really doesn't need to/shouldn't have to hear. This person is simply very negative and with all that we're dealing with at the moment that's the last thing Christina or I need to be listening to! Unfortunately there's not a lot I can do... 4 1/2 days left. That's not true there really is something I can do. I need to pray and really get close to my Father and get the strength to be the example I need to be in this house. I'm so thankful that Christina is the type of kid she is or she could be really be rebelling. I really don't know how to handle someone who has been so negative all their life and seems (for the most part) to only communicate using negativity. If you're not careful that negativity can be catching! Not a lot of talking goes on because I've put my foot down I won't listen to it anymore. So sad! If anybody has dealt successfully with it and wants to pass on suggestions, I'm open to them!
In other news. We're in the 30 day wait period now for divorce proceedings. We've got to post it and give him time to contact us. In some ways i wish Dave would show up to a least acknowledge his kids and mother. That's flesh and blood. I really struggled with this step because I don't believe in divorce but I do need to get stuff into my name so it can be dealt with down the road and divorce is the only way to cleanly do that. It does mention that the unbeliever if they want to go should be let go. That verse didn't become real to me until this last year. Why try to hang on when all it would cause is agony for everyone involved? It's taken a while to get to the being willing to really let go but I think I'm getting there now! I believe in being honest with myself. There's so much growth spiritually that really in the end I do believe that my Father allowed this to happen because it would allow so much more spiritual growth and could be used for a lot of good. Now I need to make sure that I allow that to happen each and I pray that my kids allow that to happen.
Erika is due with her baby next month. She's getting soooo close! I still find it hard to believe that I'll be a grandma real soon. I REALLY don't feel old enough to be a grandma! :) Teagan Harper is her first and middle name and it's sounding like she's going to be a long baby. Erika's poor ribs are getting a beating! Sorry for such a long post but much to get off my chest tonight!
In other news. We're in the 30 day wait period now for divorce proceedings. We've got to post it and give him time to contact us. In some ways i wish Dave would show up to a least acknowledge his kids and mother. That's flesh and blood. I really struggled with this step because I don't believe in divorce but I do need to get stuff into my name so it can be dealt with down the road and divorce is the only way to cleanly do that. It does mention that the unbeliever if they want to go should be let go. That verse didn't become real to me until this last year. Why try to hang on when all it would cause is agony for everyone involved? It's taken a while to get to the being willing to really let go but I think I'm getting there now! I believe in being honest with myself. There's so much growth spiritually that really in the end I do believe that my Father allowed this to happen because it would allow so much more spiritual growth and could be used for a lot of good. Now I need to make sure that I allow that to happen each and I pray that my kids allow that to happen.
Erika is due with her baby next month. She's getting soooo close! I still find it hard to believe that I'll be a grandma real soon. I REALLY don't feel old enough to be a grandma! :) Teagan Harper is her first and middle name and it's sounding like she's going to be a long baby. Erika's poor ribs are getting a beating! Sorry for such a long post but much to get off my chest tonight!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Onward and Upward!
So glad a major hurdle is crossed! Yesterday would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. I find it so interesting how the day of the 'hard' day I'm actually okay but it's the days leading up to it that aren't so okay. Yesterday I was so productive it wasn't funny. It actually felt really good because it's been a struggle the last month to be productive! More major hurdles are coming this year as our lives and circumstances change but two down and ? to go. :)
It's been very heavy on my mind how lucky we are here in the U.S.! Although sometimes I wonder if we're really lucky or not!! There's so much that we have the we take for granted, unfortunately I feel that it also distracts us from the really important things in our spiritual life. I desperately need to condense down a lot of what I have. And it's not just the physical stuff. I've been giving thought to actually discontinuing Facebook but I'm know that's part of my business advertising so to speak. So I guess it boils down to having self control and only using it for business! How is it some of this stuff just sucks you in? There's way too much that we have access to that is time eaters and soul eaters! Something to really work on and focus on changing!
It's been very heavy on my mind how lucky we are here in the U.S.! Although sometimes I wonder if we're really lucky or not!! There's so much that we have the we take for granted, unfortunately I feel that it also distracts us from the really important things in our spiritual life. I desperately need to condense down a lot of what I have. And it's not just the physical stuff. I've been giving thought to actually discontinuing Facebook but I'm know that's part of my business advertising so to speak. So I guess it boils down to having self control and only using it for business! How is it some of this stuff just sucks you in? There's way too much that we have access to that is time eaters and soul eaters! Something to really work on and focus on changing!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Another step
So much thanks to some dear sweet ladies that helped me today! I went through some more of Dave's stuff today and got some file cabinets cleaned out. Seeing his writing on everything was tough but it sure helps having some there with you! But it's done!! As I was told, you only need to go through the file cabinets once! We then got my office area straightened out a bit and slightly rearranged! It's amazing what just a little bit of rearranging can do to a room.
To make it an up day I got another call today that stands a good chance of turning into another client! Being on the internet finally paid off! Pretty exciting!! I've got to say... I'm starting to enjoy my networking more and more. Only problem is I have to make time for the work I'm getting do to that networking!!
Less then two months and I'll be a grandma!! Can hardly wait!! And Erika can hardly wait! :)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Finalizing steps....
It's hard to make steps that finalize things! But for various reason I don't have much choice in the matter! Add to that the wedding anniversary coming up and it is making for a tough week. BUT I do have some friends coming over Friday to help me rearrange my office and Sunday is going to be a wonderful day between a wonderful church meeting (they always are!) and wonderful fellowship with some ladies I've really gotten to know this last year. I need to remind myself that our Father can make good come out of a tough time if I'm willing. That ole devil thrives on chaos so I need to work on letting the tension go because tension causes chaos inside of me. Don't know if that made sense but that's where my thoughts have been going. "I've a Friend that meets my every need" popped into my thoughts. I'm so thankful for the touch of our Father on my heart!
On another note I have a new client and may be getting another one. I'll talk with them tomorrow and set up a time to get together with them! So the business continues to grow bit by bit. It is exciting to see that happening! Although every time you think you might be getting on top of things... Broke my printer last week, the good news is they were on sale last week and they were giving a $50 credit for bringing in the old one. That worked since the other one was toast anyway! Grr! As the saying goes, roll with the punches!
On another note I have a new client and may be getting another one. I'll talk with them tomorrow and set up a time to get together with them! So the business continues to grow bit by bit. It is exciting to see that happening! Although every time you think you might be getting on top of things... Broke my printer last week, the good news is they were on sale last week and they were giving a $50 credit for bringing in the old one. That worked since the other one was toast anyway! Grr! As the saying goes, roll with the punches!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Special Friends
A very special friend yesterday dropped a bag by with little goodies in it for Christina and I. It sure helped! There's so many special ladies that I'd probably really not got to know if this hadn't happened. I treasure each new friendship that this last year has brought! Especially those that have encouraged me spiritually.
Christina and I went to Applebee's for Valentines Day. A new tradition! It'd been so long since just her and I went out together, and the bill at the end reminded me why! But still it was very nice, we just need to get there at 4 next year not 5!! And by the time we left at 6... WOW!!! Christina gave me a scarf that she'd knitted and a sweet homemade card.
There just seems to be so many people walking away from life, although part of it could be I'm just more aware of it. My heart goes out to those who have family members who are missing and I pray that they'll turn to our Father for comfort because, really, that's the only thing that has pulled me through! The uncertainty can be very overwhelming. Life doesn't wait for us to get on our feet, it just keeps going. Although I'll say last year was the LONGEST year! Those first 9 months felt like years! But there is a reason for everything, a purpose to be fulfilled, so may it be so! Faith!!!
Christina and I went to Applebee's for Valentines Day. A new tradition! It'd been so long since just her and I went out together, and the bill at the end reminded me why! But still it was very nice, we just need to get there at 4 next year not 5!! And by the time we left at 6... WOW!!! Christina gave me a scarf that she'd knitted and a sweet homemade card.
There just seems to be so many people walking away from life, although part of it could be I'm just more aware of it. My heart goes out to those who have family members who are missing and I pray that they'll turn to our Father for comfort because, really, that's the only thing that has pulled me through! The uncertainty can be very overwhelming. Life doesn't wait for us to get on our feet, it just keeps going. Although I'll say last year was the LONGEST year! Those first 9 months felt like years! But there is a reason for everything, a purpose to be fulfilled, so may it be so! Faith!!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Year 2 Starting
I was really hoping this new year would not include that gut tension that creeps up on me on each special anniversary dates! As someone so kindly told me today when he asked how I was doing emotionally, you have a wound, a wound that happened at a really bad time of year, so it'll take a while for that wound to completely heal. Like clockwork, 2 weeks before the date it starts and by the time the actual day comes I'm fine. Seems bizarre that the actual day is fine but that's the way it went last year so I'm assuming it'll be the same. So come Valentines Day I should be just fine, I just won't enter the stores, unless I absolutely have to, for the next couple of weeks! But it'll happen again very soon after since our wedding anniversary was the first part of March.
I'm so thankful for prayer and faith. I need to keep in mind the meaning of faith that we've heard so many times. For All I Trust Him. I love how much our Father has proven His care for us. We found a wonderful therapist/counselor for Christina through my networking connections. This lady literally dropped into our laps, she does horse therapy and Christina is loving it! She has such a happy demeanor when she's there. There's a smile and there's a HAPPY smile. And it came at just the right time. And she pulled through 1st semester with fairly decent grades, it was a lot of work but she did it!
Lots of good news on the job front. Final amounts are in and I've have 10 more clients and comparing January 2011 to January 2012 by income tripled!!! Granted I didn't start very high last year but none the less I'm pretty excited about that! Networking truly works but, wow!, is it a lot of work!! And if I can do it ANYBODY can do it! For those of you who know me, you know I'm a pretty quiet person so getting out and starting to network was a chore but I've been doing it for 5 solid months now and am reaping the rewards of hard work, by having more hard work! :) Still have a little ways to go to really make it but it's definitely getting better!
I still miss my husband, really hope he's okay, but again I need to put my faith in my Father. At this point it's all in His hands and what's suppose to happen will in the end. But sometimes the missing part just gets the better of me! Tonight's a mixed emotion night!
I'm so thankful for prayer and faith. I need to keep in mind the meaning of faith that we've heard so many times. For All I Trust Him. I love how much our Father has proven His care for us. We found a wonderful therapist/counselor for Christina through my networking connections. This lady literally dropped into our laps, she does horse therapy and Christina is loving it! She has such a happy demeanor when she's there. There's a smile and there's a HAPPY smile. And it came at just the right time. And she pulled through 1st semester with fairly decent grades, it was a lot of work but she did it!
Lots of good news on the job front. Final amounts are in and I've have 10 more clients and comparing January 2011 to January 2012 by income tripled!!! Granted I didn't start very high last year but none the less I'm pretty excited about that! Networking truly works but, wow!, is it a lot of work!! And if I can do it ANYBODY can do it! For those of you who know me, you know I'm a pretty quiet person so getting out and starting to network was a chore but I've been doing it for 5 solid months now and am reaping the rewards of hard work, by having more hard work! :) Still have a little ways to go to really make it but it's definitely getting better!
I still miss my husband, really hope he's okay, but again I need to put my faith in my Father. At this point it's all in His hands and what's suppose to happen will in the end. But sometimes the missing part just gets the better of me! Tonight's a mixed emotion night!
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