Long day!

The really good news is Christina is fine and the bad news is my car is not. :(  It looks like someone clipped the back when she was almost done turning and shoved her into a turn lane which turned into a head on since a car was coming into the turn lane. The extra good news is that I got car rental insurance a couple of weeks ago so, no matter what, the insurance will cover the car rental while I wait and find out if they'll total the car or repair it and while they sort out who was really at fault. After seeing it tonight at the I'd guess they'll total it. There was a wonderful good Samaritan that was there and helped Christina through the whole thing and transported her to the hospital in her car. The interesting part is this good Samaritan was supposed to work today but she just felt that God was telling her she had something else to do today so she called in and told them she wouldn't be there. She ended up spending about an hour and half helping Christina.

Luckily I was having lunch with Ed and Mike when I got the news and they were able to run us everywhere to get everything taken care of. It's wonderful how even the worst of things seem to work out fairly smoothly in the end.

As we well know, it's amazing how quickly things can happen that can change the course of a day and cause a domino effect into the following days. And just as days start taking on an even keel!

A short ramble...

I wasn't going to say much anymore but I need to get out in words what's started building thank's to this holiday anxiety. I'm hoping releasing some of it will help! It was going soooo well!

There's been A LOT of strides made in the last year. I've grown a lot spiritually (and still have a long long way to go!) I honestly was clueless how close to the edge I was. That's the biggest reason I'm thankful it all happened. Actually only one at this point but it overrides everything else that's been a struggle!!  I was happy in my little rut thank you very much, but my Father wasn't happy to see me in that rut!

The car that Dave drove and the chair that Dave sat in are gone as of this month so I'm suspecting that didn't help! But it's steps that need to be done. I just don't like the process the mind and body go through while it's happening! I'm also redoing the office, hopefully for the final time for a while. So when all is said and done by the end of the holidays all the change should be taken care of! Then on to a new year.  And to keep myself on track lots of prayer and lots of reading.

We've heard nothing so it's essentially the same as almost two years ago. I'm not quite sure how a person does it. I would guess a false identity would be the most logical. DNA still isn't officially recorded. GRR!! But they do have the samples they need now. Just praying for his soul. At this point that is the most important thing.

Sigh... I'll probably be on again soon. My thoughts are everywhere tonight! Happy Thanksgiving to all who read this!!

Woes of your own home....and a LICENSE!!!

Joys of owning your own home! Had to get one of my gutters replaced as well as the wood around the gutter. Luckily it appears that the roof wasn't affected, which is a really good thing since it's a flat roof! I'm just thankful that someone noticed it and pointed it out to me!! The yard is, at least temporally, cleaned up. The front looks SO much better!  Then on to blinds and next spring, repairing dry rot areas and painting the house. Hopefully that takes care of things for a little while but most likely something else will pop up!

Christina got her license last week!!! Hard to believe that my baby will be 18 this month! I really appreciate the thought that she's putting into her future. It's a struggle to figure out who you are and what to do with your life and decide what is really important. I'm thankful of the respect that she shows me as her mom and adults in general. Thanksgiving day will be the birthday day!

Everybody have an awesome weekend and remember those who have fought to keep our country free!

Tax season ends....

With a Bang!!! Pretty awesome, this is the first year this has happened. I've never been in the loop of the last minute filers because I just had my small set of clients and their stuff was long taken care of by this point. This year, because of my networking, I had a few business contact me to catch last years information up so taxes could be filed. And now that that is done I'll catch them up for this year so that the same thing doesn't happen again!
Honestly, I believe it is my Father's hand guiding this business. Some of the contacts and businesses I've picked up have been pretty spooky the way it's happened. Just pure happenstance that we were where we were at and the business came from it. I just need to keep doing my part because if I do then it will all work in the end, may not be what I envisioned necessarily but none the less it'll work. Just that it becomes pretty overwhelming at times! Networking, final year of raising a daughter, working, taking care of every day stuff, babysitting a absolutely adorable granddaughter. Time is at a premium! :)
Teagan is now pulling herself up to standing position where ever she can. She's a full 6 months now and heading into her 7th! Here's a few picture. :)  She was born April 12th.

8/11/12

9/22/12

 10/6/12

She is progressing so quickly!

Christina is enjoying her horse riding, although it's been a while since the horse is injured right now. :(

Bringing up to date

Tomorrow is my husbands birthday so I thought this would be a good update time! The last three months have been very very busy. Between work, having family visiting, babysitting my granddaughter and just general life the summer just flew by.  There were some awesome spiritual moments thrown in. That's still my main stay. I just love it when the feeling comes over me that it will truly be okay.

So I have to brag about that granddaughter! She's coming on 6 months soon. She's crawling everywhere and  is pulling herself up if you hold out your fingers. She'll hold on to them and stand up by herself, she's also starting to pull herself up onto furniture. She sits quite well by herself now. She can be a stinker though! That sleeping through the night... yep, not yet!!! And far from it! Poor Erika and Blake! (payback can be sweet! :)  )  JK..... maybe :)

Business has been going REALLY well. Especially this month. All that networking I've been doing this last year has really paid off and I'm starting to see the results. 3-5 events a week most weeks. It's tiring but the results are awesome! But on the other hand I really think that my Father has a lot to do with that as well. He's setting the opportunities there, it's up to me to follow through.

Do I miss Dave? You bet, but the sting is gone and life carries on. I often wonder what I'd do if he showed back up. I think that's something I need to leave in my Father's hands and if it ever happens, let Him lead my decision and words. I'm very thankful for what this last year and half plus has taken me through, it's shown me what and who is really important. I really wish it wasn't so hard for my kids or mother-in-law!

I'm thinking it's getting time to change the title of the blog and start posting some of those grandbaby pictures! Speaking of which!! :)  Here's one of my favorites. She was around 3 1/2 months here. Oh and it looks like she'll be a brown eyed red head! Grandpa's eye's and grandma's hair color. :)

Getting better!

Famous last words probably but I actually didn't have anxiety issues due to 4th of July until today. Much better then early last month when they showed up a couple of weeks before my birthday. I've been trying real hard to leave things in my Father's hands as well. It's so easy to just do/say what we want with no thought to how it affects others, or we have an idea of how it'll affect them but decide "I" am more important. I have very close and  personal experience with this and yet still find myself sometimes doing what I want with no thought as to what it might do to someone else. My tongue is actually what gets me in trouble the most!

We're still waiting for the divorce thing to go through. They ended up asking for more information. Information I'm pretty sure we've given them before. :(  But I just can't dwell on it because it cause that anxiety thing to build. Maybe by then end of the month???

We heard something today that's stuck with me. Having good soil isn't good enough, the good seed needs to be put into the soil for there to be fruit. There are many, many people that are truly good people but we also need to be righteous, be right with our Father. And the only way to truly be right with Him is to leave all in his hands and be obedient. And that typically means going against what our flesh would think is right, giving up our own will. It's so easy to sit here and type this but can be so hard to apply at times. But I've experienced that peace and comfort that comes with that willingness so why does the flesh still want to rule?  It's truly a daily and sometimes even minute by minute battle but oh so very worth it! I truly am one of the luckiest people! That rest and peace has been experienced, that feeling that comes over you all the sudden that despite all the chaos of life everything will indeed be all right. Love it!

Here's hoping the next post will be the next step!

Next step almost here

This morning is definitely a morning I wouldn't want to wish on anyone! My friend who's helping me with legal stuff and I went before a judge this morning. I'm not sure what the problem was but probably had something to do with me not knowing as much about the case as the judge felt I should. (I didn't have my case number memorized?) As it turned out SHE had the information that she was asking me for and she boy did she hound me for that information and asked why I didn't have it etc.  She had me swear that Dave wasn't military, raise the hand and everything. And I could be wrong and misunderstood her but when she had me swear that it really sounded like she said "Do you swear that he's in the military" of which i responded he is NOT in the military and gave my reasons. I guess if you're in the military than a longer time period for contact is allowed after posting a notice. She wouldn't allow my friend to stand with me. Of course my friend KNEW she had the information because she'd mailed it to her herself but the judge wouldn't allow her to say that. Luckily that gave me a clue of where to go. The good news is in the end she said she'd sign the papers after reading through them and making sure it was all in order. But oh boy, sure wish it hadn't happened on my birthday! But on the other hand it worked because there's no way I could have done any work after this mornings fiasco and since I'm taking the day off it worked out well. Pretty much lost it on the way home though and it's actually been quite a while since that happened while driving!

This has been a very hard step for me because I don't believe in divorce but legally I can't do things like sell his pickup unless there is a divorce to put it in my name. I can't sell the house unless he's off the deed. etc. I'm just very very thankful that I have one that is always there for me! A Father that I can always count on to help me through days like today. To everything there is a purpose and once again I learned where my strength comes from! And it's not me!!

Now the really cool thing.... Erika and Bobbie painted my family room/office yesterday! It looks so much better! And I got to spend some extended time with Teagan! Yesterday was an awesome day!

Getting perspective

I've had some struggles with anxiety recently with so much going on that I really have no control over. Talking with one of my aunts yesterday I realized that there are a least 4 major emotional things going on and it was no wonder there was anxiety. This morning when I woke up I then realized the reason the anxiety was trying to build so high was because I was trying to handle most of it myself. I should know after this last year and half that that doesn't work but it is absolutely amazing how subtly it happens. Yes there's a lot going on and humanly speaking it's perfectly normal for the anxiety to get bad, but when I have a Father that is there to step in and help me through there's no reason for the anxiety to get to where it was at. I love the help that my Sunday morning meeting was. Each has their struggles but there is so much spiritual help there because of those struggles. The biggest thing that we heard about and I need to work on is simple submission. I think I've mentioned in previous post about not taking back what I've given to my Father to handle. Well apparently I needed that reminder because that's what's happened in the recent weeks.  That's not submission, that's deciding that I want to do it my way and I'm to impatient to wait for my Father's will to be done. Here's another thought I've enjoyed the last couple of days from some notes I read. Sometimes we are overcome with laziness spiritually, that laziness looks like unwillingness but in reality it's not enough love. If I really love my Father and his son then I will WANT to do what's needed because when you love somebody you're willing to do whatever  is needed.

Then to really bring everything into perspective my brother called today and one of his friends has a husband (soon to be ex) that is in jail, and yesterday her 16 year old son committed suicide. I can't begin to imagine what that lady must be going through and it makes everything that I'm going through seem so insignificant. More perspective that I needed. Just as you think you've got it bad you hear something that makes you realize that it could be so much worse. I can't imagine losing one of my kids to suicide.

We all have our battles to go through. Some of them will be big life altering battles. This last year and half has hopefully been the one big life altering battle I'll have. Others will be small battles, am I going to get up early enough to gather spiritual thoughts to pull me through the day? or will I chose to sleep a little longer? A small battle but you know, in the end that could also be a life altering battle depending on what happens that day. Each battle fought and won with eternity in mind will get us closer and closer to the goal. A thought my cousin shared last Sunday, our souls will CRAVE the things of our Father when we pass to eternity just as our body craves the things of this earth while we're yet alive. We deny the natural craving of earthly things and allow spiritual work to be done instead and our souls craving in eternity will be forever fulfilled. I guess I'd better leave it at this!  (Still no contact)

Awesome job Christina!

Christina is soooo excited! For the second year running she gets to go to nationals for SkillsUSA in June!! She was the only contestant in the Advertising Design but the judge told her up front that if he felt that she didn't produce national level work then he wouldn't be giving her the 1st place medal. He apparently really liked what she did because she's off to nationals!! And to prove that she really can win with competition she got 1st place with the state pin design. She competed with between 7 and 10 students with that one. The teacher judging even picked Christina's design over some of her own students! Now comes the job of fund raising and looking for sponsors!

Is so wonderful to see Christina growing this year. This last year has been horrendously hard for her in every which way and things like this definitely give you a boost!! And to make matters even better Auntie Nancy was at the awards ceremony too!

New Baby!

My older daughter had her baby this evening! What a cutie she is (actually her mom is pretty cute too!). She is 6 lbs 15 oz's and 18 1/2" long. Interestingly enough her mom was pretty much exactly the same when she was born.  Between a couple of school friends and family there was quite the cheering section!

It was a pretty emotional time when the baby came. It kind of hit hard, Dave not being there to enjoy the moment of the first grandbaby. I'm thankful to see my younger daughter allowing those emotions to flow. One lady that came in didn't know about the situation and asked her when her dad would be there. That was hard!

But now there is a baby to spoil and to give heaps of love to! So thankful for all that we can enjoy

Compassion....

That word popped into my mind the other night when I was praying. I think this last week has shown me what I really need to work on.  For those I've known for a LONG time, that seems to be last thing on my mind in certain circumstances!  My Father has had soooo much compassion on me, why can it be so hard to show it to those I love? After all I've really pulled some doozy's and yet I KNOW my Father is still helping me and the only reason that'd be is because of He's showing me compassion.  People get older, time goes by. It's interesting to watch people age. For the most part life is a full circle, we start out being helpless and our parents caring for us, if you live long enough by the end of life you're being cared for as you cared for your children. Unfortunately in that aging many things come back up and there doesn't seem to be as much control of the tongue, then my back goes up with some of what's said and as a result I don't show the spirit I need to. I NEED to be a proper example.

For those who check in now and again, thank you! And I apologize for my venting!

And on a completely separate subject, I've got to say that Erika is a very beautiful lady when's she's pregnant! :) Of course she is otherwise but even more so now! Time's getting soooo close!  

Combating Negativity

I was so thankful for the reminder today that our Father is a just Father.  I'm very thankful for friends that are strong spiritually that help me keep my head on straight! When you're in the middle of the situation it is much too easy to lose sight of what's important. The door has been open to the devil and it's hard to get control back!! I went into mama bear mode this morning and got very frustrated. I requested my daughter be left out of the middle of everything and find out this evening that that didn't happen, she's being told things that she really doesn't need to/shouldn't have to hear. This person is simply very negative and with all that we're dealing with at the moment that's the last thing Christina or I need to be listening to! Unfortunately there's not a lot I can do... 4 1/2 days left. That's not true there really is something I can do. I need to pray and really get close to my Father and get the strength to be the example I need to be in this house.  I'm so thankful that Christina is the type of kid she is or she could be really be rebelling.  I really don't know how to handle someone who has been so negative all their life and seems (for the most part) to only communicate using negativity. If you're not careful that negativity can be catching! Not a lot of talking goes on because I've put my foot down I won't listen to it anymore. So sad! If anybody has dealt successfully with it and wants to pass on suggestions, I'm open to them!

In other news. We're in the 30 day wait period now for divorce proceedings. We've got to post it and give him time to contact us. In some ways i wish Dave would show up to a least acknowledge his kids and mother. That's flesh and blood. I really struggled with this step because I don't believe in divorce but I do need to get stuff into my name so it can be dealt with down the road and divorce is the only way to cleanly do that. It does mention that the unbeliever if they want to go should be let go. That verse didn't become real to me until this last year. Why try to hang on when all it would cause is agony for everyone involved? It's taken a while to get to the being willing to really let go but I think I'm getting there now! I believe in being honest with myself. There's so much growth spiritually that really in the end I do believe that my Father allowed this to happen because it would allow so much more spiritual growth and could be used for a lot of good. Now I need to make sure that I allow that to happen each and I pray that my kids allow that to happen.

Erika is due with her baby next month. She's getting soooo close! I still find it hard to believe that I'll be a grandma real soon. I REALLY don't feel old enough to be a grandma! :)  Teagan Harper is her first and middle name and it's sounding like she's going to be a long baby. Erika's poor ribs are getting a beating! Sorry for such a long post but much to get off my chest tonight!

Onward and Upward!

So glad a major hurdle is crossed! Yesterday would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. I find it so interesting how the day of the 'hard' day I'm actually okay but it's the days leading up to it that aren't so okay. Yesterday I was so productive it wasn't funny. It actually felt really good because it's been a struggle the last month to be productive! More major hurdles are coming this year as our lives and circumstances change but two down and ? to go. :)

It's been very heavy on my mind how lucky we are here in the U.S.! Although sometimes I wonder if we're really lucky or not!! There's so much that we have the we take for granted, unfortunately I feel that it also distracts us from the really important things in our spiritual life. I desperately need to condense down a lot of what I have. And it's not just the physical stuff. I've been giving thought to actually discontinuing Facebook but I'm know that's part of my business advertising so to speak. So I guess it boils down to having self control and only using it for business! How is it some of this stuff just sucks you in? There's way too much that we have access to that is time eaters and soul eaters! Something to really work on and focus on changing!

Another step

So much thanks to some dear sweet ladies that helped me today! I went through some more of Dave's stuff today and got some file cabinets cleaned out. Seeing his writing on everything was tough but it sure helps having some there with you! But it's done!! As I was told, you only need to go through the file cabinets once! We then got my office area straightened out a bit and slightly rearranged! It's amazing what just a little bit of rearranging can do to a room. 

To make it an up day I got another call today that stands a good chance of turning into another client! Being on the internet finally paid off! Pretty exciting!!  I've got to say... I'm starting to enjoy my networking more and more. Only problem is I have to make time for the work I'm getting do to that networking!!

Less then two months and I'll be a grandma!! Can hardly wait!! And Erika can hardly wait! :)

Finalizing steps....

It's hard to make steps that finalize things! But for various reason I don't have much choice in the matter! Add to that the wedding anniversary coming up and it is making for a tough week. BUT I do have some friends coming over Friday to help me rearrange my office and Sunday is going to be a wonderful day between a wonderful church meeting (they always are!) and wonderful fellowship with some ladies I've really gotten to know this last year.  I need to remind myself that our Father can make good come out of a tough time if I'm willing. That ole devil thrives on chaos so I need to work on letting the tension go because tension causes chaos inside of me. Don't know if that made sense but that's where my thoughts have been going. "I've a Friend that meets my every need" popped into my thoughts. I'm so thankful for the touch of our Father on my heart!

On another note I have a new client and may be getting another one. I'll talk with them tomorrow and set up a time to get together with them! So the business continues to grow bit by bit. It is exciting to see that happening! Although every time you think you might be getting on top of things... Broke my printer last week, the good news is they were on sale last week and they were giving a $50 credit for bringing in the old one. That worked since the other one was toast anyway! Grr!  As the saying goes, roll with the punches!

Special Friends

A very special friend yesterday dropped a bag by with little goodies in it for Christina and I.  It sure helped! There's so many special ladies that I'd probably really not got to know if this hadn't happened. I treasure each new friendship that this last year has brought! Especially those that have encouraged me spiritually.

Christina and I went to Applebee's for Valentines Day. A new tradition! It'd been so long since just her and I went out together, and the bill at the end reminded me why! But still it was very nice, we just need to get there at 4 next year not 5!! And by the time we left at 6... WOW!!! Christina gave me a scarf that she'd knitted and a sweet homemade card.

There just seems to be so many people walking away from life, although part of it could be I'm just more aware of it. My heart goes out to those who have family members who are missing and I pray that they'll turn to our Father for comfort because, really, that's the only thing that has pulled me through!  The uncertainty can be very overwhelming. Life doesn't wait for us to get on our feet, it just keeps going. Although I'll say last year was the LONGEST year! Those first 9 months felt like years! But there is a reason for everything, a purpose to be fulfilled, so may it be so! Faith!!!

Year 2 Starting

I was really hoping this new year would not include that gut tension that creeps up on me on each special anniversary dates! As someone so kindly told me today when he asked how I was doing emotionally, you have a wound, a wound that happened at a really bad time of year, so it'll take a while for that wound to completely heal. Like clockwork, 2 weeks before the date it starts and by the time the actual day comes I'm fine. Seems bizarre that the actual day is fine but that's the way it went last year so I'm assuming it'll be the same. So come Valentines Day I should be just fine, I just won't enter the stores, unless I absolutely have to, for the next couple of weeks!  But it'll happen again very soon after since our wedding anniversary was the first part of March.

I'm so thankful for prayer and faith. I need to keep in mind the meaning of faith that we've heard so many times. For All I Trust Him. I love how much our Father has proven His care for us. We found a wonderful therapist/counselor for Christina through my networking connections. This lady literally dropped into our laps, she does horse therapy and Christina is loving it! She has such a happy demeanor when she's there. There's a smile and there's a HAPPY smile. And it came at just the right time. And she pulled through 1st semester with  fairly decent grades, it was a lot of work but she did it!

Lots of good news on the job front. Final amounts are in and I've have 10 more clients and comparing January 2011 to January 2012 by income tripled!!! Granted I didn't start very high last year but none the less I'm pretty excited about that! Networking truly works but, wow!, is it a lot of work!! And if I can do it ANYBODY can do it! For those of you who know me, you know I'm a pretty quiet person so getting out and starting to network was a chore but I've been doing it for 5 solid months now and am reaping the rewards of hard work, by having more hard work! :)  Still have a little ways to go to really make it but it's definitely getting better!

I still miss my husband, really hope he's okay, but again I need to put my faith in my Father. At this point it's all in His hands and what's suppose to happen will in the end. But sometimes the missing part just gets the better of me! Tonight's a mixed emotion night!

A faithful finish

I just received word that Dellas L. has finished his journey and is now home. The reward we have at the end of life is so rich. I didn't know Dellas real well but he had such a wonderful spirit. I'm thankful for the spiritual example that he set. A poem a friend gave me has this phrase: For every loss He sends to us, Is followed by rich gain. Dellas has reached that final rich gain.

My thoughts have been on what he mentioned at Boring this last year. Self Denial. I'd be so much better off without a lot of the STUFF that I have. It's all that stuff that pulls me away from my Father. Books is a really good example of that! I have a horrible time pulling myself out of a book and reading our Father's word in the evening, or during the day when I feel the pull to. As a result I rarely read the novels. Last night I got into a book, not good since it was a Saturday evening! So really, I just need to get rid of the novels. I can use my cross stitching for relaxation, or read that book about business (no problem putting THAT one aside!) As Dellas mentioned we wouldn't have the full closets and garages etc. full of stuff if we were willing to deny ourselves. One thing that I've wondered is if there's stuff in this house of mine that my Father would disapprove of. Is there something that I wouldn't want one of my friends to find when I eventually pass away and all my stuff is gone through.

I pray that each step I take draws helps me to draw closer and closer to our Father and to be an example of a Godly life as Dellas was.

Oh boy!

Feeling so overwhelmed tonight! So much to do in the next week. This month is giving me a good taste of what it is to be basically full time. On the other hand there so much thankfulness that all the hard work (networking) of the last few month is paying off. If anyone says networking doesn't work, I beg to differ! :)  I look back on what the last year has brought, the changes both naturally and spiritually, WOW!  The number of new people I've met. I think I've met years worth in the last year, at least compared to previous years! So many lives to touch. I've got to wonder if they're seeing the Spirit in my life. Am I being a proper example?

Christina is sooooo looking forward to tomorrow being done! End of 1st semester. 3 months and  she'll be an auntie! And I'll be a grandma! I STILL can't hardly comprehend that but am looking forward to seeing my first grandbaby! AND 3 more months and my auntie will be home! Can hardly wait!!!  April will be quite the month!

Thought to share in closing that we heard at special meeting... The years reveal what the days conceal.

Awesome weekend

We had our special meeting down in Salem yesterday. So many wonderful spiritual thoughts were shared that hit close to home.  One thing we heard is sometimes our Father lets things sit in the background until we're ready to deal with them. Then, when the time is right, something happens that brings that issue that we need to fix to light. That's what so many of our experiences in life are about. A chance to correct and grow spiritually through each experience. I'm so thankful for the years that He's kept me and been so patient with me. And simply keep the eyes focused ahead. Don't look down at the bumps in the road because it's when we look down and take our eyes off the goal that we tend to stumble and fall. Keep our eyes focused far ahead. One, of many things, I've learned this last year is that our Father is there every step of the way. I'm still in awe of the peace and comfort that can be found in such a bizarre and life changing event.

Good news on the job front too. I'm picking up new clients and this month is a feast month job wise. Money wise next month should be my best month yet. Networking is what's working for me but the trick is fitting it all in, networking, working, eating, doing laundry (forgot to finish that today), etc. Now my job is to learn how to be efficient.

New Year

So much to do and so much more change coming! I started thinking of all that needs to be done business wise, be done in my personal life, where I need to be financially and decided I was a lot better off leaving that in my Fathers hands!! Anxiety galore started building but with that decision has faded to much more manageable proportions! I LOVE the strength that is there for us! Special meetings are coming this next week and special guests tonight and tomorrow night! So an awesome week is on the way!!

My new year resolution.... Just be willing for whatever my Father wants me to do. Although the way may be rough at times, the comfort and peace are so amazing. BUT that only comes with willingness.