Rose Parade, B-Day, Fathers Day...

All are within one week basically. Today was the parade. It was a tradition with us to get up nice and early and drive in so we could have a good place to park and to sit. We decided not to go and besides that Christina had a fund raiser thing for SkillsUSA at 11am, right in the middle of the parade. I was very surprised how hard today was. I guess those tradition things get you! Luckily that really is the only tradition day we had that wasn't connected to a special day. Now comes my birthday and then Fathers Day.  Dave was the one that gave me my "main" present and Fathers Day speaks for itself. It sure makes me thankful for the comfort that we can have spiritually. It's such a struggle to keep the mind from dwelling on scenarios. Some days I have real good success, other days (like today) a horrible time. I think the devil knows when the bumps will come and jumps right in at the most vulnerable time. I keep picturing the thoughts being booted out and they keep creeping back in. GRRR!!! My thoughts keep going back to the shield of Faith. Deeper and deeper trust in our Father, that's one of the keys. He knows and plans the way.
I am frustrated with the lack of work, no matter how hard I try. And various means that I go about seem to not do anything. One of the CPA's I talked with said that they're letting people know and I know other's have as well. So I guess it's still not time for things to happen yet! There seems to be an occasional blip where something just seems to "work out". Not job wise but just kind of a step in allowing something to happen, kind of like winning 500 free business cards at a networking event last week. I needed those cards and it just kind of worked out. So I guess I need to stop the impatience and just let things work the way they will. I can't stop doing my part job wise but when things (or I am) ready to go then the ground work is laid. I do believe part of it is that I'm still not completely ready. It's amazing how there is a definite process, naturally speaking, that people go through in times of trauma. Having that help spiritually definitely helps, helps you get over each step quicker, but it DOESN'T stop the step by step process from happening. That's really where we can show our love to our Father and develop a deeper relationship with Him and His Son.

Next step

I truly thought most steps had been taken in this process but it hit me yesterday while I was mowing the yard that that isn't so. :(  There's a reason I've been having trouble getting completely motivated for work. If I am to be completely honest with myself it has to do with hoping that Dave will pop back into our lives and I won't have to worry about working full time to make ends meet. So now I need to work on that. I know that there's a good chance that even if he were to eventually show up that it could be years before it happened. I know my husband. So now comes the getting my heart and mind to the point where it's completely accepted. This up in the air part is very hard to get over. Everytime I think I'm over the hump I realize that there's still a ways to go. My deepest hope is that our Father would use me in whatever way is most profitable and that my husband would allow that seed that was planted over the last few years to grow.

5 months....

It's hard to believe that it's only been 5 months. It really feels like much long then that! We're pretty much into a normal routine now. Unfortunately business pretty much stinks. As I've said many times before, there IS a purpose for the way things happen. I'm not sure the purpose for me getting no new accounts but I know it'll become obvious down the road. There have been a couple of opportunities that have seemed VERY promising only to fall through and not happen at all. So time will tell! At least I do know that I have a Father that will always be there for me. That helps tremendously!  And I have some absolutely wonderful friends that have been there the whole way. So thankful for them! Never thought I'd be where I am after only 5 months. Life does indeed go on and with Faith we too can go on with the assurance there is One that will always be there for us and love us.

Thankful...

I now understand how you can be thankful for tribulation. These last few weeks I've become more and more thankful for this experience because it has brought me so much closer to God then I've ever been. It's taught me a lot about myself that I didn't want to admit to, or be willing to see, before. It's taught me how truly powerful God is in our lives, even in the everyday part of life. I wouldn't want to wish on any spouse/child what has happened to us because it is hard! But in the end life is going to be sweeter for it. The joy in tribulation. There's one that will never leave us and never forsake us and I surely don't want to leave Him or forsake Him! We can come out of an experience hard or soft, it just depends how much we allow God to be in the experience... something to that affect was written on facebook yesterday... and it's so very true. Here's hoping my husband figures out the true meaning of life before it's too late for him!

Another mile stone past... few more to go

We made it past Mother's Day fairly well. My girls were great! Christina made me a very sweet Mother's Day card and breakfast and the girls took me out to dinner with Erika and Blake paying. This one had to be hard for Dave's mom. Next month is going to be the hard one for me. My birthday and Father's Day are within days of each other. I know we'll get through it, it may just be tough. I'm just so thankful for the strength that comes from my Father. I'm truly okay. Thanks to forgiveness the tension is pretty much gone and thanks to prayer it's easier to accept what has happened and just allow it to make me stronger spiritually and actually feel some thankfulness for the experience in that it's brought me so much closer to my Father. I know we have a ways to go before the experience is over, there's still just too many unknowns but if I can hold on to my faith then we'll be okay. Now if I could get a few more bookkeeping clients!

4 months

It's been a while! Overall things are going better but this 4 month mark seems to be hard and also with Mother's Day coming up. I feel for my mother-in-law! Being Dave's her only son/child. We'll have to do something special that day for ourselves! I'm trying to not think about the why's, it does no good and just gets me tensed up. God knows where Dave is and knows his heart and knows when the right time is for things to happen and I need to be content with that. I still don't have any new accounts (except for the one in February). The payroll accounts I was hoping to get, looks like they won't happen. :-( And it was so promising! Guess it's not time yet! Can't wait for next week, warm garden weather. Maybe I'll start a blog on my garden! :-)

Forgiveness

It came to me today as I was reading in 2 Corth. Although I not I'm angry with Dave, have I really forgiven him for what he did? Where there's unforgiveness  there's a opening for Satan to work. I'm thinking that's part of why I'm finding it hard to get on with life so to speak. To find the peace in the situation. Satan hits our weak points and this is a very weak point for me right now. I miss him terribly, pray that he'll allow God to work in him before it's too late but other then praying I can do nothing but forgive and be the best example I can be.

On another note, Christina made it to nationals for SkillsUSA in advertising design! She gets to represent Oregon in that section of the competition. She's so excited! and so am I! And 4 A's and 3 B's on her progress report!