Next step almost here

This morning is definitely a morning I wouldn't want to wish on anyone! My friend who's helping me with legal stuff and I went before a judge this morning. I'm not sure what the problem was but probably had something to do with me not knowing as much about the case as the judge felt I should. (I didn't have my case number memorized?) As it turned out SHE had the information that she was asking me for and she boy did she hound me for that information and asked why I didn't have it etc.  She had me swear that Dave wasn't military, raise the hand and everything. And I could be wrong and misunderstood her but when she had me swear that it really sounded like she said "Do you swear that he's in the military" of which i responded he is NOT in the military and gave my reasons. I guess if you're in the military than a longer time period for contact is allowed after posting a notice. She wouldn't allow my friend to stand with me. Of course my friend KNEW she had the information because she'd mailed it to her herself but the judge wouldn't allow her to say that. Luckily that gave me a clue of where to go. The good news is in the end she said she'd sign the papers after reading through them and making sure it was all in order. But oh boy, sure wish it hadn't happened on my birthday! But on the other hand it worked because there's no way I could have done any work after this mornings fiasco and since I'm taking the day off it worked out well. Pretty much lost it on the way home though and it's actually been quite a while since that happened while driving!

This has been a very hard step for me because I don't believe in divorce but legally I can't do things like sell his pickup unless there is a divorce to put it in my name. I can't sell the house unless he's off the deed. etc. I'm just very very thankful that I have one that is always there for me! A Father that I can always count on to help me through days like today. To everything there is a purpose and once again I learned where my strength comes from! And it's not me!!

Now the really cool thing.... Erika and Bobbie painted my family room/office yesterday! It looks so much better! And I got to spend some extended time with Teagan! Yesterday was an awesome day!

Getting perspective

I've had some struggles with anxiety recently with so much going on that I really have no control over. Talking with one of my aunts yesterday I realized that there are a least 4 major emotional things going on and it was no wonder there was anxiety. This morning when I woke up I then realized the reason the anxiety was trying to build so high was because I was trying to handle most of it myself. I should know after this last year and half that that doesn't work but it is absolutely amazing how subtly it happens. Yes there's a lot going on and humanly speaking it's perfectly normal for the anxiety to get bad, but when I have a Father that is there to step in and help me through there's no reason for the anxiety to get to where it was at. I love the help that my Sunday morning meeting was. Each has their struggles but there is so much spiritual help there because of those struggles. The biggest thing that we heard about and I need to work on is simple submission. I think I've mentioned in previous post about not taking back what I've given to my Father to handle. Well apparently I needed that reminder because that's what's happened in the recent weeks.  That's not submission, that's deciding that I want to do it my way and I'm to impatient to wait for my Father's will to be done. Here's another thought I've enjoyed the last couple of days from some notes I read. Sometimes we are overcome with laziness spiritually, that laziness looks like unwillingness but in reality it's not enough love. If I really love my Father and his son then I will WANT to do what's needed because when you love somebody you're willing to do whatever  is needed.

Then to really bring everything into perspective my brother called today and one of his friends has a husband (soon to be ex) that is in jail, and yesterday her 16 year old son committed suicide. I can't begin to imagine what that lady must be going through and it makes everything that I'm going through seem so insignificant. More perspective that I needed. Just as you think you've got it bad you hear something that makes you realize that it could be so much worse. I can't imagine losing one of my kids to suicide.

We all have our battles to go through. Some of them will be big life altering battles. This last year and half has hopefully been the one big life altering battle I'll have. Others will be small battles, am I going to get up early enough to gather spiritual thoughts to pull me through the day? or will I chose to sleep a little longer? A small battle but you know, in the end that could also be a life altering battle depending on what happens that day. Each battle fought and won with eternity in mind will get us closer and closer to the goal. A thought my cousin shared last Sunday, our souls will CRAVE the things of our Father when we pass to eternity just as our body craves the things of this earth while we're yet alive. We deny the natural craving of earthly things and allow spiritual work to be done instead and our souls craving in eternity will be forever fulfilled. I guess I'd better leave it at this!  (Still no contact)

Awesome job Christina!

Christina is soooo excited! For the second year running she gets to go to nationals for SkillsUSA in June!! She was the only contestant in the Advertising Design but the judge told her up front that if he felt that she didn't produce national level work then he wouldn't be giving her the 1st place medal. He apparently really liked what she did because she's off to nationals!! And to prove that she really can win with competition she got 1st place with the state pin design. She competed with between 7 and 10 students with that one. The teacher judging even picked Christina's design over some of her own students! Now comes the job of fund raising and looking for sponsors!

Is so wonderful to see Christina growing this year. This last year has been horrendously hard for her in every which way and things like this definitely give you a boost!! And to make matters even better Auntie Nancy was at the awards ceremony too!

New Baby!

My older daughter had her baby this evening! What a cutie she is (actually her mom is pretty cute too!). She is 6 lbs 15 oz's and 18 1/2" long. Interestingly enough her mom was pretty much exactly the same when she was born.  Between a couple of school friends and family there was quite the cheering section!

It was a pretty emotional time when the baby came. It kind of hit hard, Dave not being there to enjoy the moment of the first grandbaby. I'm thankful to see my younger daughter allowing those emotions to flow. One lady that came in didn't know about the situation and asked her when her dad would be there. That was hard!

But now there is a baby to spoil and to give heaps of love to! So thankful for all that we can enjoy

Compassion....

That word popped into my mind the other night when I was praying. I think this last week has shown me what I really need to work on.  For those I've known for a LONG time, that seems to be last thing on my mind in certain circumstances!  My Father has had soooo much compassion on me, why can it be so hard to show it to those I love? After all I've really pulled some doozy's and yet I KNOW my Father is still helping me and the only reason that'd be is because of He's showing me compassion.  People get older, time goes by. It's interesting to watch people age. For the most part life is a full circle, we start out being helpless and our parents caring for us, if you live long enough by the end of life you're being cared for as you cared for your children. Unfortunately in that aging many things come back up and there doesn't seem to be as much control of the tongue, then my back goes up with some of what's said and as a result I don't show the spirit I need to. I NEED to be a proper example.

For those who check in now and again, thank you! And I apologize for my venting!

And on a completely separate subject, I've got to say that Erika is a very beautiful lady when's she's pregnant! :) Of course she is otherwise but even more so now! Time's getting soooo close!  

Combating Negativity

I was so thankful for the reminder today that our Father is a just Father.  I'm very thankful for friends that are strong spiritually that help me keep my head on straight! When you're in the middle of the situation it is much too easy to lose sight of what's important. The door has been open to the devil and it's hard to get control back!! I went into mama bear mode this morning and got very frustrated. I requested my daughter be left out of the middle of everything and find out this evening that that didn't happen, she's being told things that she really doesn't need to/shouldn't have to hear. This person is simply very negative and with all that we're dealing with at the moment that's the last thing Christina or I need to be listening to! Unfortunately there's not a lot I can do... 4 1/2 days left. That's not true there really is something I can do. I need to pray and really get close to my Father and get the strength to be the example I need to be in this house.  I'm so thankful that Christina is the type of kid she is or she could be really be rebelling.  I really don't know how to handle someone who has been so negative all their life and seems (for the most part) to only communicate using negativity. If you're not careful that negativity can be catching! Not a lot of talking goes on because I've put my foot down I won't listen to it anymore. So sad! If anybody has dealt successfully with it and wants to pass on suggestions, I'm open to them!

In other news. We're in the 30 day wait period now for divorce proceedings. We've got to post it and give him time to contact us. In some ways i wish Dave would show up to a least acknowledge his kids and mother. That's flesh and blood. I really struggled with this step because I don't believe in divorce but I do need to get stuff into my name so it can be dealt with down the road and divorce is the only way to cleanly do that. It does mention that the unbeliever if they want to go should be let go. That verse didn't become real to me until this last year. Why try to hang on when all it would cause is agony for everyone involved? It's taken a while to get to the being willing to really let go but I think I'm getting there now! I believe in being honest with myself. There's so much growth spiritually that really in the end I do believe that my Father allowed this to happen because it would allow so much more spiritual growth and could be used for a lot of good. Now I need to make sure that I allow that to happen each and I pray that my kids allow that to happen.

Erika is due with her baby next month. She's getting soooo close! I still find it hard to believe that I'll be a grandma real soon. I REALLY don't feel old enough to be a grandma! :)  Teagan Harper is her first and middle name and it's sounding like she's going to be a long baby. Erika's poor ribs are getting a beating! Sorry for such a long post but much to get off my chest tonight!

Onward and Upward!

So glad a major hurdle is crossed! Yesterday would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. I find it so interesting how the day of the 'hard' day I'm actually okay but it's the days leading up to it that aren't so okay. Yesterday I was so productive it wasn't funny. It actually felt really good because it's been a struggle the last month to be productive! More major hurdles are coming this year as our lives and circumstances change but two down and ? to go. :)

It's been very heavy on my mind how lucky we are here in the U.S.! Although sometimes I wonder if we're really lucky or not!! There's so much that we have the we take for granted, unfortunately I feel that it also distracts us from the really important things in our spiritual life. I desperately need to condense down a lot of what I have. And it's not just the physical stuff. I've been giving thought to actually discontinuing Facebook but I'm know that's part of my business advertising so to speak. So I guess it boils down to having self control and only using it for business! How is it some of this stuff just sucks you in? There's way too much that we have access to that is time eaters and soul eaters! Something to really work on and focus on changing!