Another year gone

The years do seem to be going quicker! That's a very good thing as far as I am concerned! :) Tomorrow marks year four so I'm kind of looking forward to that day being over! Then maybe I can get back on an even keel emotionally!

We had a wonderful family get together this evening. Scarlet was tired but not too bad. She's cutting a lot of teeth at once so that doesn't help!!! Right now her sugars are pretty weird. The last couple of days she really hasn't needed any insulin. However her sugars got to 130 this evening, so that little lull may be over. They actually stayed under 100 the last couple of days without insulin!! Or maybe this is a sign that the diabetes may eventually resolve itself for a few years? She does have the type of neonatal that could do that. Tegan is being a normal 2 year old. Contradictory and stubborn at times and cute and funny at other times. :)  She doing real well drawing too! She can now draw a rectangle quite well. Christina made a very yummy blueberry/lemon gluten free cake.

Panic attack adverted (temporarily)!! Whew!

So a question for tech savvy people out there! How in the world does a .pst outlook file (a VERY important Outlook file, like in that's where all your information is for an email address), move from one point to another point in the computer??? I left Saturday with it working just fine and came back today with it saying that it couldn't find my email addresses and thus couldn't open! Mind you I'm quite proud of myself  ;) because I did find the files and got them back to their original points with nothing lost but that just seems really weird to me!!! I really didn't need that since it's turning out to be a really tough week emotionally!! Talk about your stomach dropping to your toes!!

Although after talking with my computer guy it could be a sign of my hard drive becoming corrupted. :(  So i guess after 4 years there may be a new computer in my future. Let's hope this one holds on a little bit longer!!!!

Add-on!

So it's somewhat possible Erika may have accidentally done it. Somehow she managed to start transferring files and hit cancel as quick as she could. I say somewhat possible because it really doesn't sound like she was where those files were but I also know it's entirely possible that to end up in a different area and then go back, especially when the lag time with remote access between computers is happening! We'll see what happens but I now have those outlook files backed up online! I found out in the process that I didn't have those set to back up, probably because I was clueless that they needed backed up! :)  I'm learning!

And so it starts

I believe that there's been a lot of progress this last year! With Dave's disappearance anniversary being a week from Saturday, I'm just now starting to feel that sub conscience anxiety kick in. I think it was a couple of weeks before Christmas last year and close to a month the year before that. I've always found it amazing how that happens. I think of him quite a lot really but never have issues until an 'anniversary' is around the corner. It's really quite interesting how the mind works!  The good news is is that right now I'm really busy so that should help! Although that money gets to disappear right out the door in taxes. :(  I'm very, very thankful that I have a Father that does supply what I need. I have been finding myself fretting much too often recently, wondering how it's all going to work out. But in the end it DOES work! I love what we heard recently. Look past the problems of today and to the hope of eternity. The devil loves to distract us with today's problems!

Good mile stone!

For the first time ever I tore apart under the sink to unclog it and put it back together with no leaks afterwards (first time even)! :) Still a lot of stuff I need help with but I'm now good with that one!

Christina had 3 wisdom teeth pulled today so she's recuperating! Note to other's: If you are getting your dental insurance on your own and have a kid that might need impacted wisdom teeth pulled- Check and see if it's covered!!! Grrr... To hurry along the feeling coming back she's using a warm cloth for a couple of minutes a cold cloth for 30 seconds or so. It seems to be helping quite a bit. I can understand her better now! :)

Every body is recovering from strep. I think Christina may have had a really mild case because we fought so hard. I managed to avoid it completely but I suspect it was a close call! Erika's whole family got it. As did Grandma Bobbie!

Now may the big things be done for the year!!! Pretty please? :)

Comment from Teagan

Kids can make such interesting comments! She asked who was with me in a picture yesterday. I said that was her grandpa but we didn't know where he was at. She very matter of factly said that 'he's hiding'. And she's right. So she knows she has another grandpa but that we don't know where he's at.

On another note, Unfortunately the only one that doesn't have strep in that household at the moment is Blake. And since all three with strep were here yesterday, I'm really hoping we don't get it!!! Bio Vegetarian pills (awesome stuff to fight viurses, Pure Formula's is the best place), lots of lemon and honey and my Reliv capsules (soy based but awesome stuff too! Let me know if anyone is interested!). I think that's enough stuff to fight a very contagious virus! I hope it is anyway!!! :)

Breath.....

So carpets look awesome!!! Deb Moran at Prowash Plus 503-475-9983 does an absolutely wonderful job cleaning. However it'd be nice if these big things stopped happening! Now my business e-mail is locked up. Not good when there's payroll involved!! I believe someone has hacked me and is sending emails from somewhere. The email people seem to think I have a Trojan and that emails are coming from my computer but I come up clean with my anti-virus (which is a good one). So we'll see what tomorrow brings! 

Two positives today- awesome carpets and another job done! :)

Scarlet loves her mama! 

Cleaning Success!!!

Paring down what's in the house is definitely getting there!! It only took us an hour to clear the house for carpet cleaning. All rooms except the spare room are being cleaned and all fit in the spare room with room to spare! Pretty much all from the dining room and living room fit in the kitchen (at least that's the plan!) We'll see what we can do with two recliners and an end table plus the dining table. I might be a little too optimistic on that one! :-)  A client and I have a barter system worked out. She cleans my carpets once a year and it covers about a year of me doing her payroll. Works well for both of us!

I've been so thankful for the spirit of the day today! Meeting, lunch with wonderful friends, meeting. It's just given me such a thankfulness for all that has been done for me. I love the peace that comes. The assurance that all will be all right. Even in the midst of chaos inner peace can be found if I'm willing to go and seek my Father out. It was a much needed Sunday after this last week!

I'm anxious to see what this next year brings. Will my business even out and I'll be in a good spot or will there be more change? I'm also anxious to see what this next year or two will bring for Christina! Will she be preparing to pack her bags?

Let's see how much work I can get done this week and let's hope that the power stays on! The east wind is back today. :(  I really have a feeling this is going to be a very windy winter!!!

Busy time.... Hardest time....

Why is it that the busiest time of year has to be the hardest time of year???!! I know that we'll get through it just fine and maybe being really busy is a good thing! However it's frustrating none the less! :) So much has been going on in addition to it being anniversary time of Dave's disappearance.

We went to a funeral today that really made me think of Dave and how much that he's missing. Keary V's  (his dad died) family did a video with a collection of pictures and did the music that was about dad and then about grandpa. About him always being there. It just really hit me how much the girls are missing. (All four of them!) Dad's hold a very important part in a kids life no matter how old they are!

I've gotten to watch the girls a couple of times. It's been fun even though Teagan's been sick. Watching her get out of the baby stage and into the toddler stage has been fun to watch. It's amazing how quickly her vocabulary is growing!  She'll be 3 in April! The down side has been the work that I haven't been able to get done! You'd think that I could do it in the evening but that doesn't work so well when the electricity goes out and is out for most the evening! Two time this week alone!!! (It's been a tad windy this week!) Luckily the wind has pretty much died down but I'm now thinking a battery back up or some such thing might not be a bad idea! My poor computer is finding it harder and harder to boot up properly when it gets shut off that way, and since it's happened three times this fall it's getting really, really old! QuickBooks REALLY doesn't like it when the computers shut down with it open. :(  Or maybe the poor computer is just getting old. This is the longest I've ever had a computer last. (It's almost 4 years old). Add to that Christina needing oral surgery. UHG!!

So with all of that said, (I'm feeling somewhat whinny :) ), I need to remember that my Father is there to help. I just need to be willing to ask! Help to deal with the up's and down's of life. It's been real to me just how quickly and easy it is to slip into a poor me attitude when life dumps on you. It's a struggle to not let it overwhelm!

Whine session over! :)

Yep, she's pretty much a pro

Mia's in kitty heaven! :) 

A sobering and yet good thought!

We'll see if I can express it! Christina had quite the thought yesterday. The armour of our master is sitting on the wall ready to use. It's up to me if I'm going to take it off the wall and put it on each day. I don't know about others but I have an awful time some mornings pulling myself out of bed when He's telling me it's time to get out of bed and pray. The bed is soooo warm and comfy! The thought I really liked was the longer I give into the temptation to stay in bed the longer that armour is not on because at that point I'm ignoring his voice. The human nature is SO strong but my Father is stronger! I KNOW from personal experience that there is strength given even before something happens as well as during an experience, so why would I resist putting on that armour each day??!!

Maybe....maybe not

Sometimes it's so hard to make a decision of what to do. We do something and then regret it but then are unsure of how to get back to where we were before that decision was made. Sometimes there needs to be a growing process, a self realization process before we can go back. Even then it wouldn't be the same but in reality it would seem like there could be so much more unity and love because of what has been taken care of and grown out of. I'm not sure that that makes sense but those are my thoughts! :) Do you go back to what's been left behind? Will things be the same? Nope, people change and grow, hopefully to become much more caring, loving and appreciative. (Well most do, some just don't seem to change but we learn to deal :) ). 

Winter!!!

November 12th and it's sleeting/snowing/raining and windy as all get out.... all at the same time! It doesn't look like much really but we're talking Portland Oregon!!! Saturday I was mowing the grass in almost 60* weather. The last couple of days the east wind gusts were upwards of the 50 mph pulling that nice chilly air in from the east side. Today we're reaping the benefits of the cold air! The wind chill has been around 20* or below for the last couple of days so even though it's not officially freezing (almost there today!) the birds water dish is frozen solid and the cars have freezing rain on them today. So I'm sitting enjoying the first fire of the winter season with the kitties! :) Christina is baking. She's really started baking quite a bit. It IS possible to have really good tasting gluten-free food!!

And now the snow is really starting to pick up! Pretty unreal! I believe our first day of winter precipitation is the same day as Klamath Falls! Odds of that happening aren't very high but we've managed it this year (Talked with Alex this morning)! 

This is what we woke up to this morning- remember-Portland Oregon-November 12th!

Sleet

Sleet and freezing rain

Cozy fire- Kitties are enjoying it too! ;)

Poppy seed muffins with orange and lemon zest- Can't wait!!

The final product!

Productive Saturday!

Wonderfully productive day today! More things gone through, lawn mowed (hopefully for the final time!), Stevia branches cleaned up and washed off (see below), squirrel area taken care of. And to top it off, a wonderful dinner and fellowship with wonderful friends. A very lovely day overall.

I'm going to try using the stevia in my tea this winter, and since we may get our first freezing weather it was time to 'pick' the branches. 

Thankfulness/Sadness

Driving home today from my clients, I had such a feeling of thankfulness for what I have and all that my Father has done for me. Thankfulness that I get to see a cousin in January that I haven't seen in YEARS! And even get to have her stay for a night! Thankfulness for where my business is regardless that I'm back to growing it again (three steps forward, one back). And yet a feeling of sadness to. Sadness that the one I had said for better or worse isn't around, sadness that a loved one felt the need to flee from his family, sadness at the thought of how much pain/sadness/agony he was (is?) going through to do what he did. I know (as I've said before) that in the end it was really what needed to happen for all of us to get to where we are today. But there's still a definite loss/sadness that will be there for a long time to come.

I know there have been some that wondered why I didn't search harder for Dave. I wasn't and nor am about to go looking for someone that was clearly unhappy where he was in life. I really feel that we're better off letting a person figure things out on their own, then to be making it harder for them. Besides that Dave had the opportunity to come back home. I firmly believe that he was in the house while we were gone a few times in the next few months. He chose not to stick around. I'm one to get on with life and make the best of what is thrown at me. And with my Father's help there has been many changes. Changes that will make Dave happy when/if he comes back. He would be absolutely astounded at where Christina is now. Meanwhile we press forward and keep a positive outlook and keep priorities straight.

It worked!

We'll see how this next week goes but I'd have to say working in my home office is going much better now. It was amazing how having so much stuff with memories attached to go through was dragging me down.  A lot of stuff has gone out the door and I'm glad that round is done. I need to do it again in sometime down the road (Spring maybe?) but for now I'm happy where things are at. It's quite the lesson both naturally and spiritually. The stuff tucked in the corners is what sits in the back of the mind and makes it hard to go forward. I need to clean out the corners of my heart and that will help me go forward spiritually. To be honest that's most likely going to mean getting rid of a few more things in the house when it comes right down to it! There really isn't anything naturally wrong with what I do but I know that there's some things that are holding me back so that is what makes them wrong for me. Slowly but surely I'll get there!

Lesson learned the hard way.....

I really, really don't like learning lessons the hard way! Never ever e-mail a client info when it's been a VERY long 2 days and you're really, really tired! In my case, clients. It can make you look quite incompetent! UHG!!

Now the good news is I have pretty much made my way through the house and I'm hoping most of the 'memory land mines' are out of the way! There are two really small area's left I believe but those are things that need to stick around for my girls. Now to really focus on getting that bookkeeping done! But first to babysit the grandkids! Teagan is sick with the flu so grandma gets to babysit! We're really hoping that Scarlet doesn't get it! 3 weeks running of ketones wouldn't be a good thing!!!! She was quite cute today. She gets that 'look' in her eye when told no, don't touch the paper and you can just see her mind going.... do I do it anyway or should I not? So she very quickly sticks her hand out to touch the paper then quickly takes it back after touching it and walks away. Teagan shocked us today when she wrote the letter G and informed us it was a G! She did it with the number 6 as well. I also love to see the girls interact. They very clearly love each other! Many wonderful memories being made! The video I took hasn't backed up yet so that'll have to be posted another day!

Mornings Special thought

Love takes away the feeling of obligation to serve my Father. I NEED to have a love service because he doesn't want someone serving him out of obligation.

Fun and yet not so fun. :( / Garden

Scarlet never lost her congestion completely from last week and has now gotten worse again. :( Medium ketones again today but they were down to trace tonight before she left. I have a feeling this winter is just going to be a yo-yo. I'm not an expert by any means but it really seems like to me her body is producing a certain amount of insulin. It seemed like her sugar level dropped down way more  this afternoon then it should have with only a half unit of insulin given. She went from 267 all the way down to 50 2 hours later! As a result she got to enjoy spaghetti! And boy did she enjoy it! :) This allowed her sugars to get high enough so that she could get the next dose of short lasting insulin to continue the fight with the ketones.

My peppers are doing splendid still!!! We'll see what a solid week of rain does though! I'd suppose it depends on the how cool it gets at night if they continue to thrive. The one I have pictured is LOADED with new blooms that will most likely do nothing since it's October 21st. Just seems really weird for them to be doing so well when it's almost NOVEMBER!!! 

The picture with little green sprouts poking up is my garlic. I fertilized them last week so we'll see how they do! I've never actually given my garlic fertilizer. All these are the ones that I didn't dig up this last summer. 

I feel like my bookkeeping business is finally getting settled. This year has been a yo-yo. Just as I think it's going good something happens that upsets the apple cart. But I've felt like I'm missing something most of the year and that feeling is gone! Things are still working out to a point but it definitely feels like everything is finally on a path that will lead somewhere.

Another hump gotten over!

Today was by far the most productive cleaning day I've had in a REALLY long time! Really I think it is the most productive day I've had since Dave left. Piles of donation are ready to be taken out. A lot of memories were found today and all is still good. So, so thankful that there is help in handling those emotions when I'm willing to ask my Father for the help! A bit more to go through but really the bulk of what I wanted to do is done. Work will be so much easier to accomplish and focus on when I don't have that list of chores weighing on the back of my mind!

Scarlet has been doing much, much better! She still has a cold but diabetes is again under control. That kid is going to send us on yo-yo's. It seems like we can't go a month without something happening! She took a tumble yesterday and managed to bite her upper lip when the teeth jammed. She was NOT a happy camper when we had to hold her to put pressure on to stop the bleeding! She is fine though. Erika appears to have broken the trend of Von Willebrand's (bleeding disorder). NEITHER one of the girls has it! Typically there's a 50% chance that a child can get it. We were able to completely stop Scarlet's bleeding in 5-8 minutes. When Erika had a bad scrap in her mouth, when she was little, I had to put pressure on for close to a half hour before it would stop! So we're actually pretty excited about that! Teagan is getting to be quite the little girl! She's counting, I believe to at least 15, and knows quite a few of her letters! Love those grandkids of mine! :)

Tough weekend

Slowly but surely I'm getting through different area's of the house that are minefields for me.  Last night was harder than I realized it would be and today will be more of the same since I'm planning on going through a lot of stuff. I also know that it'll help me focus the way I need to when doing my work at home though so I need to get it done ASAP! I'll be reminding myself what we heard a couple of weeks ago. All the stuff is simply dust when all is said and done! So let's see how far I can get today!!

Now the good news!

It's been an AWESOME month of weather so far! We've now had 5 day's in the 80's in a row. More than 4 days in the 80's for October hasn't happened since 1991! I need to get out and pick raspberries tomorrow and tomatoes. I'm awfully glad that I didn't pull my tomatoes yet! They're still ripening quite well! The last couple of nights have actually been close to 60. That's practically unheard of for this time of year. I'll take it though! Now to get out and plant some lettuce and broccoli and hope that we get a winter that will allow it to winter over!

I had my apple trees cut down last week, as well as the butterfly bush. Thank you Craig!!!! I just don't have time to deal with the apples and they were making a huge mess on the lawn. Next year I'm planning on planting some wildflower seeds where the trees were. Maybe some hummingbird friendly plants. Every year I have 3 hummingbirds show up.

I love a thought that was shared at lunch Sunday. All the stuff we have.... it's just dust! Some of it is sparkly dust but in the end it's just dust. If my stuff were to burn it'd turn into ash, ash is ultimately dust! It breaks down in the soil and turns to dust. Some stuff seems like it shouldn't be a problem however if it's something my Father has said wouldn't be a good idea then it IS a problem. I really have too much dust!  Another thought with dust is it tends to get into the corners and cracks. Little seeds of discontentment, unrest etc. can get into those corners and cracks, take root and grow into huge issues. Those types of emotions cause division with my Father. I love that I can safely leave all in my Father's hands!

Cold, ear infection, diabetes....

What a week Scarlet is having! :(  She started getting sick with a cold this last week and it has now turned into an ear infection. Erika took her to the doctor today and they gave her an antibiotic. Unfortunately Amoxicillin apparently has a fair amount of sugar since her sugar levels are now around 300! On top of that she's had ketones all day ranging from small to large. Large is NOT good! Her breathing started getting rapid and she was getting the beginning signs of ketoacidosis. Erika has to give her short lasting insulin shots every two hours until the ketones are gone. It's going to be a long, long night!  So much for diabetes doing well! We sure are hoping that she has the temporary and not permanent diabetes!

For those that don't know, ketones happen when the body is breaking down it's own fat for energy instead of using insulin. Ketoacidosis is the beginning signs of the diabetic coma coming on. So it's been a pretty scary day for Blake and Erika! Last I heard the ketones were still fluctuating quite a bit but the ketoacidosis signs went away.

We believe part of the issue with Scarlet getting ketones so easily is that she's so small. She's a year old and 18 lbs. That's in the +/-20%, her height (26") is in the 1% range and head in the 38% range. She's really nicely proportioned but has obviously got the small size of my family!  She seems to get ketones if she's teething, gets her shots or is sick or a combination there of. Unfortunately she just got her shots last week so that may have made her more vulnerable.

Another B-day come and gone

As Dave's birthday comes and goes once more I can't help thinking how proud of his daughters that he'd be. Erika with her little family and Christina in the leaps and bounds that she's made in every which way this year. He'd be a very proud father and an awesome grandfather.

This experience has made the girls stronger and also more compassionate towards others. You never know the struggles that others are going through and where those struggles can lead to. Sometimes what those struggles lead to are unimaginable and you wonder why. But really is the way things, as unimaginable as they are, turn out for the best when all is said and done? I'd have to say from my end an unequivocal yes. I'm hoping that the same can be said from Dave's end and that he's going through the same growing experiences that we are. We often wonder where he is at and how he is doing.

As I've said before, and probably will again, I'm very thankful for a loving and forgiving Father that has helped me through so many up's and down's. One who knows exactly what I need to go through to get me to where I need to be and is there each step of the way if I'm willing to ask for help.

Scarlet 1 year old!

It's been quite the year for this little one! But she really seems to be doing very well! Her next teething round or sickness round will tell the story of where her diabetes is sitting. We'll find out within this next year if she has permanent or transitional diabetes. She has started walking. I would say in this next week she'll be doing much more walking then crawling! Then the kids will really be in trouble! :)  Two kids under 3 running around make quite the handful! Here are some pictures from the birthday party.

Walking!!! Love this smile!

Snuggles with daddy!

Great Grandma Charlotte!

Teagan! She's growing up so quickly!!

Teagans expression is so priceless here! I think someone is wishing it was her birthday!

Mom and auntie! She was much more interested on nawing on what she was holding!

Score! :)

Scored today with items for my cats. In May Coastal had $120 gift cards for $100. Today I decided to go get the cat litter and use the gift card I got. They had 40lbs of litter for $10 a bag, a $4 savings. Since I got 5 bags (will last at least 2 months) there was another $20 savings. The great thing is I wasn't aware that it was even on sale! Love it when that happens! :)  Gift cards don't have to be for someone else!! I need to make sure I have savings account just for those kind of bargains! For this card I have gotten $140 worth of stuff for $100 and my gift card still has money on it. I highly doubt I'll find that sale on the litter next time!!

Now for my business. Things are truly in flux. As of now it'll be Erika working at the CPA's not me. She's always been more interested in the taxes and is thoroughly enjoying learning about all the in and outs and exceptions to the rules etc. so that will work well for her. Since I no longer have my larger client that will actually work out quite well for me as well. We'll see what the next couple of weeks bring! I just need to make sure that I'm not fretting about it while we're figuring out where we're headed! It's much much too easy to worry about things. My Father knows exactly what is best for me and I need to make sure I'm leaving all in his hands!!

And I'm loving this summer weather in September. It reached the mid 90's today which is unusual for this time of year here. I got a nice pick of tomatoes and beans and raspberries this evening.

 Yummmm......


I'm freezing the tomatoes for spaghetti sauce, soups, etc. later on.







I was only expecting a few beans but actually got
quite a few more then I expected.

Proud Grandma :)

Walking holding onto one finger!!! 

We have mastered the stairs!!!

Teagan doing her ABC's :)  Didn't quite finish but had earlier.

Random thoughts and pictures

There is a thought that I've enjoyed this morning. An action or attitude of mine can really make or break a day for another. We have a really bad tendency in this day and age to use the phrase 'it's my life and I can do what I want' (especially growing up :) ). How many realize how doing what 'I want' affects the lives of those around them? There are many times our actions affect others for the good but it's the times that we get stubborn and do something even though something inside us is telling us NO that tends to bring catastrophe. Catastrophes handled with the right attitude can bring good in the end but why bring good the hard way when thinking of how actions/attitude will affect others at the first saves the heartache for others.

I think this got a bit off track but it's true no the less. :)  Another thought is think of others, how can I help them? Sometimes the only help that can be given is prayer, sometimes it's visiting someone, sometimes it's calling, sometimes it's dropping a note in the mail.

And last but not least. Simplify! I've been so busy chasing my tail and trying to make enough to live that the rest of my life just hasn't really been there. I'm taking steps to hopefully have that solved by May of next year. It's going to be a process but in the end I think I'll be a lot happier and relaxed. Those that obey our Father and believe are cared for. I've experienced the natural and spiritual care so I'm not sure why I've allowed myself to get all caught up in the natural busyness of this life the last several months. That's why the anxiety got so high with my one client. In the end it'll mean being paid by the accountant but I'll still be having my own clients, just through the accountant, and Erika will be working for the both of us. So work will be nicely spread out and the headache of trying to take care of EVERYTHING will be gone. And the paycheck will be consistent! :)   Erika has been a huge help but as the business owner I need to make sure all is taken care of and it's starting to wear on me! Sometimes having your own business just isn't worth the headache!!! I'm looking forward to seeing where the next 6 months take me!

Now for a couple of Scarlet pictures! :)  I don't see Teagan near as often so I haven't had pictures in a while!

Grabbing grandma's hair! She loves being on shoulders now!


She's really starting to play with the little cars. Also is starting to take her first true steps this week!!

Mixed Bag

It has surely been an interesting week! Being on someone else's payroll is sounding better all the time! It started out quite humbling. I finally found out the core problem with my client and while I can definitely see why he's upset I'm not sure that I could have done a whole lot different due to the size of the project and time constraints. However I really would like to apologize but something (my Father?) is telling me not now!! Seems a bit odd to be told not yet for apologizing but I won't argue! Anybody had that happen to them?

In reality the rest of the week has actually went fairly well. Tuesday and Wednesday things just seemed to fall into place. Not today though!! Went out to Hillsboro and the power had went out 5 minutes before I got there! Bummer because it takes me at least 45 minutes to get there!!! So I back tracked to a couple of other clients in Beaverton (The Tamale House next to Trader Joe's has yummy food!) and Tigard and then went back to Hillsboro. Payroll has to get done after all!!! Pretty sure it was the wind that knocked the power out. One thing that did fall into place late this afternoon (I love it when this happens :) ), I called the state to inquire about a form that I'd faxed in 9 weeks ago. It turns out that they'd just processed it TODAY! Unfortunately there was an issue but since I called in I was able to re-fax the form and hopefully it'll be finished by next week. No letter was needed due to timing, and it helps that I actually got the person who handles the faxes. (Their constantly two days behind with faxes for this particular application)

Weather changes are starting to happen! The wind has been whaling today! I'd say it was at least 40 mph gust, possibly higher. Started at midnight last night calmed a little during the day but has really picked up again tonight.   This wind actually has kept things a bit cool rather then warming us up so fall is on the way. :) They're saying this is the earliest that they ever remember a fall wind hitting. However they're saying we'll be at 90* Sunday and Monday. Then rain Thursday and Friday. :(  Guess we need it but I'd like a bit more time for the tomatoes and raspberries to ripen before the yo-yo starts!!! I'll have to post a picture of my raspberries next time. They're yummy and big! Ripening a handful at a time!

Our study was Acts 28 this week. I just enjoyed thinking on how the necessities were provided. They'd dumped everything overboard and yet when they left that island the necessities were provided by those on the island. Paul got the boost he needed when he was visited at one of the ports. I believe there was at least one other but I'm pulling a blank right now! But it's the same for us today. If I'm willing to listen and willing to do what's being laid on my heart then the necessities are provided, and there's a big difference between wants and necessities! I feel like some of what I consider necessary isn't even close, it's really a want!

Deleting FaceBook

Done!! :) Although I do have 14 days to reconsider. For those of you interested but you don't know how, google deleting FaceBook. An option will come up for you to click on that says just that. For me it was the second option down. All you need to do is put in the password and then verify with the typing numbers/letters that they show and it's done just that quick. You may want to save your pictures, (if you don't have them on a computer) or from others that you'll lose access to seeing. Then just simply open the picture and right click and save as and you're done.

FaceBook does have the option to deactivate an account but I don't believe it actually deletes it.

Now what to do with that FaceBook browsing time??!! To be quite frank I'll probably feel a little lost for the first few days!

I'll delete this section of the post in a couple of weeks but for those that want to stay in touch with me outside of this blog please email me! amekvold@gmail.com  Please no spam!!!

Erika to Dave "Can we start over?"

Hey.....

    For starters there has not been one.single.day that I haven't thought about you...thought about where you are....are you alive or not!, what you are doing if you are alive, if you already knew the people you see daily, before or if you met them after, what you are feeling/thinking, when I will see you again, how would I react if/when I see you, what mom/Christina will think/feel and of course what will Grandma do?? All of those questions, all different scenarios....I think about it everyday.
 
You need to understand: I'm not mad. I am disappointed and saddened at times but never mad. Mainly because I don't know what made you leave, I don't know the thoughts that solidified your decision(if it has in fact always been your choice) BUT it never has nor ever will be my place to judge you for your choices, I can only accept what has been done and move forward with the best intentions. 

And maybe it's selfish of me...or hopeful...but in every scenario where you come back you see me first. I know we had a different relationship, it was always you and me and Mom and Christina. Not that we weren't all a team but I know they have always understood each other better just as we had an understanding for each other. And I know now, that I didn't value what we had enough.
I wish I could have realized how I was treating you 4 years ago, really much longer than that but especially around that time. I can't change how I acted, yes I was selfish and didn't care enough about others like I could have but I can only hope that you would be able to forgive and move past that as well. I was young and naive (I still am, I'm not sure at what point in our lives we ever think we know everything and aren't naive in a certain ways) but I have grown so much more in the last four years than I could imagine. So I want to thank you for making me a part of a hard situation that I could learn immensely from. 

I always looked up to you and always wanted to impress you but I understand now I didn't always show that. Others can't tell what we think in our heads and we did that a lot...stayed in our heads. Even though I felt we had a strong relationship we never talked about things below the surface and I would change that if you returned. I want to know about you, how are you feeling, what are you thinking.  

I can understand why you would have resentment towards all of us and want to get out of the "situation" that you were in.....with a family that you felt didn't value and appreciate exactly the person you were/are. And you're valid to feel and think that because we didn't. But all four of us are at fault for that, our lack of good communication within the family was severely lacking and we can't change what we don't know is wrong. Now, that's not to say if you had spoken up about things that we would have changed but the opportunity would have been given. In no way am I trying to put blame anywhere because as I said before I see now what I was doing wrong and have put effort into changing and continue to put effort towards changing for the better. I hope you have been doing the same because I can only wish for you to be able to find happiness. 

Everyone affected by your disappearance has changed for better and worse at times...because of this things would be very different now, I'm not sure how but I can only hope that we could start from scratch; in a way and I could show you how much I appreciate you and am so thankful that you are my father. I can only hope that you could be happy, I feel like you probably weren't for a very long time. You are very private but I wish I would have tried to understand your feelings more when you were here. I want to thank you for everything you taught me while you were around. How to be a good person, caring, thoughtful, helpful, gracious. goofy....I miss our goofiness. I think about it a lot because I know you would have so much fun with our girls. Teagan and Scarlet, they are so smart and fun, you would love them. I wish everyday that they will be able to meet you someday...someday soon. They are young enough that they wouldn't know what happened and wouldn't have any preconceptions about you, they would just love you for be their amazing grandpa, because you would be amazing! One day, years from now, they will hear about the one day you disappeared and how we know nothing about what happened to you. But I hope that the story can be different, I hope that they will know you by that time.  

I know I'm writing a book, and if you are still reading.....I love you, I love you so much. What you did wasn't right. There were better ways to get out of your situation if that is indeed why you left. BUT it's not something that is unforgivable, I have forgiven you, I did a long time ago. It was easier for me because I have learned so much about myself through this experience and I am grateful for what I have learned. Because of this situation I have become a stronger, more compassionate person and I can only thank you for that. I have been shown how selfish I was as a kid/teen and young adult. I'm not saying I'm perfect now but I am aware and changing daily to become as selfless as possible. There are so many good qualities in you that I want to pass on to my children and I am thankful to have had you as an example.
       I miss my father though, I miss your support in everything, I miss your laughter, I miss your voice, your hugs, your smiles, your teachings. There is not one thing about you that I don't miss, everything that I used to get so annoyed about I wish I could have the chance to even be annoyed about now because I wouldn't be. I want to show you the woman I have become and am changing to be. I want to prove to you what an awesome human being you created and mini-beings that have come from that. 

I don't have any negative feelings toward you just sadness in place of anger. Sadness because of what you are missing and deciding to not be a part of. This is no one's doing but your own...unless something really did happen to you due to someone else's doing, I think about that and it breaks my heart if that is what really happened. 

There are many things I hope for:
     I hope that you are safe and okay. I hope one day you can find happiness, I hope one day to know what happened, I hope that it isn't just pride that is keeping you from coming back if indeed you did leave on your own will. If it is pride, I hope you can get over it and through it because things will be far different(in a good way) than I think, you think they will be. Of course it won't be a breeze and not everything will fall perfectly into place because it's a complicated situation but things will get better and it takes times. I know that it will take less time the sooner you have contact. And honestly if you are tired of all of us and never want to see any of us again, that is alright (not completely but as close as can be) but at least let us know you are alive. The worst part about all of this is not knowing whether you are dead or alive. Then we can stop thinking you are dead but still having hope that you are alive....there's no closure or grieve fully because we are always hoping and maybe in denial but we don't know because we have no answers. It's answers we want and who cares if you don't have then all right now, that's fine, because our biggest one is "Are you alive???". If nothing else comes from me writing this, which I hope it wasn't too depressing, only hopeful for you..I hope you understand we just want to know if you are alive and we can leave it at that. I know I am willing to let you take your time and do what you need to do without disturbance as long as I know that one answer. 


Sorry to have written a book and again if you are still reading thank you for all you are and have ever done for me in my life. I love you like no one else in my life, you have a special part in my heart. I want you to remember that I love you, WE love you no matter what you think and are always here for you. Please remember what a great person you are and I wish you can overcome pride because we are past that by now. 

Love you to the moon and back....
Missing you....
Your always hopeful, daughter...
Erika


P.S.
Stop missing out on all of the great things in our lives.....I want to know what is new and great in your life.....I want to know everything there is to know about you. 

One of my favorite bad jokes from you : "Where does ice cream come from?"
                                                            "where?"
                                                            "Iceland! DUH!"
                                                            "hahahahahahaha!!!"
Love you daddy! 

x

Wonderful days!

This last convention really confirmed what the last one had started working on, letting my Father take control of the reins of my life. I'm also finally listening and getting off FaceBook. I've been feeling uneasy about it for a little while and, since I contact some of my clients through it, I thought that I'd just check it now and again but when I got on this evening I just a had a real conviction that I needed to completely get off. We heard today that we need to start what's been laid on the heart NOW. The steps taken now will set the direction for the next year so.... First step is starting. My goal this year is to draw closer and closer to my Father. He's given me so much infallible proof that he's there helping and yet it can be so hard to give my own will up!!! We heard that there's so much blessing in obeying when it comes from the heart. No,'Fine i'll do it.' That attitude gets us nowhere! And the peace and rest that's there makes it doubly worth it!

I love the way things work too! My daughter met a girl real close to her age in the dorm. I met a lady in the restroom of all places. Both of us got to talking with the ones we met. We exchanged contact info with them. Come to find out they're mother and daughter! Very, very nice family. Even more interesting is they are from the town that my grandma was from. We'd moved my grandma out of her place just before they moved there so they didn't know her. However they've heard many, many stories about her! So now they have a face to put to the family that they've heard so many stories about!

Since I'm getting off FaceBook I'll try and update this blog more often. I'm going to shoot for once a week or so but we'll see if that happens! :)

Big Changes in store and a special thought....

There's lots of changes in store business wise these next few months... maybe for the year? We'll see how it goes. I had a client I just couldn't seem to get on the same page with and it built to the point we were both beyond frustrated. Luckily I have an awesome accountant that I work with and since she was his accountant as well she stepped in and has managed to sort of, kind of smooth things over. I won't be working directly for my former client but may help in getting the rest of the stuff sorted out by working for her a couple of days a week. We'll see where working with/for her a couple of days a week leads in the next year. I have a lot that I can learn from her. I actually wonder if this wasn't God's plan the whole time.... If all goes well the thought is to join forces and Erika helps with taxes and I do more of the bookkeeping side of things and Erika and I handle the payroll. It really appears that the payroll side of the business is booming. I never planned on being a payroll business but it seems to be happening!!

I'm ready to seriously cut back on  traveling around town so I'm hoping to take quite a few clients to some kind of remote service by the first of the year. There's a handful that I will still do on site but not everyday all day. At least I hope not!!! I needed that traveling the last few years to keep myself working and earning a living. Going to somebody else's place of business forced me to work, I just couldn't get myself motivated to work properly at home but I'm hoping that side of the healing process is complete!!

There was something mentioned last week that has really stuck with me. Our soul cries out for our Father. It's the piece of Him that is in all of us. It's up to us to decide if our soul is going to be satisfied or not. The connection I made was my anxiety this last couple of months, I was trying to figure it out all on my own and was leaving my Father out of the mix. That anxiety was my soul crying out for my Father. It needed soothed, I needed it soothed and it was trying to let me know that there was a remedy but I wasn't listening! I don't know if that makes sense but it's how it spoke to me! The anxiety was probably on level with where it was when Dave left, or awfully close! A thought I need to remember!

I'm now looking forward to another few days of special fellowship and more revelations that will help me to grow closer to my Father!

Business building and building....

This has been a pretty amazing summer! Business has been booming and somehow I'm becoming more of a payroll company! I'm actually going to be combining forces with a CPA that I've networked with for the last three years. Her and I get along really well and have the same set of values. We'll keep our own businesses but Erika will most likely work for both of us. I'm really excited and a bit nervous at the same time for this next step of business! Trying to fit all my work into this month with church conventions coming up this month makes for a very, very busy month!!!

Then there's the issues that come with a building business. One of my bigger clients and I have been struggling to get on the same page in what he wants. I believe we are now there but it has really shown me the need to leave things in my Father's hands. It's caused me some tremendous anxiety in the last couple of weeks since I've never ran into this problem. But when it comes right down to it when I allow anxiety to build that means that I'm not leaving it in my Father's hands. And I need to ask for the help in dealing with it. Ask and ye shall receive. Help doesn't come without asking. It's been a very good lesson for me! I'm always thankful to get a spiritual lesson out of a tough experience. As was spoken on last week, we choose what we dwell on.

Bookkeeping, payroll, in the cloud bookkeeping. Lots of different things that we do! 3 1/2 years has brought more changes than I could have ever dreamed. And they're all good changes. I can hardly wait for the last 2 weeks of the month!!

Scarlet Update #2

We finally got the results for what type of diabetes that Scarlet has. It took 10 weeks and is indeed neonatal, she has a gene mutation that has led to it. Everything pointed to that but they needed to do the genetic testing to make sure. Next to no weight gain the last month in the womb, urinating A LOT, somewhat cranky over all but not horrible. The one thing that I would say sticks out is that she didn't smile real easy. She'd give a twitch of the lip but to REALLY smile and laugh, she rarely did that. She was sick almost all the time, she might have went a week at time without being sick. Her body just got to the point that it couldn't handle it anymore and when she got the flu from Teagan at 7 months it caused her ketones to build and sent her into a diabetic coma. I'm going to take a guess that it took so long due to the type of neonatal diabetes that she has. There is a 1 in 300,000 to 500,000 chance of neonatal happening so it's very rare and for being so rare there are 5 different types! She has the type that could possibly be temporary, but it's rare that it is temporary. I guess the typical age is around 18 months to 2 years that it goes away if it is temporary. But it could possibly come back when she gets older; it would act as type 2 diabetes. So it sounds like to me her body may still be making some insulin, unlike type 1 diabetics. If she were to ever get pregnant she would have gestational diabetes, of course that's only if it were temporary. She could possibly end up on an insulin pump if it doesn't go away. Even if it is temporary she will need to keep track of blood sugar her whole life.

She is such a happy little girl now! The only time she really has issues is when she's teething and sick, or gets her shots and is teething. Those two instances have triggered ketones. Then she's pretty cranky. Erika and Blake have done an absolute wonderful job with managing the diabetes. You learn to play with the long lasting insulin a bit if you know it's going to be an active day the next day. Give a little less so there's sugar to burn and then the sugar doesn't get near as low as it would have otherwise. Scarlet went to the babysitter at 160 the other day but by the time her morning nap came and went she was down to mid 50's! The babysitter then gives her food that will bump her sugar back up. It really doesn't take a lot though! Except, as in instances mentioned above, she rarely even needs the short lasting insulin. Probably because of the type of neonatal diabetes that it is.  Below is one of my favorite pictures so far! She is so HAPPY!!! (She's the black and white dress)

Last big hurdle...

This last weekend was simply awesome! We were invited to the beach for a kids get together. There were about 20 kids or so plus us adults. This one was a tough one for me since the beach was where Dave and I had our 'get away' weekends. The last time I was there was when him and I went the summer before he disappeared. I actually think this weekend made it 4 years to almost the day since I'd been to the beach. The company there made it so easy and well worth the anxiety that I had before going. It was interesting because I couldn't figure out for a while why I was feeling the anxiety and then it dawned on me.... next hurdle is coming up! It's interesting how the body just reacts without you being consciously aware of it!! Somehow singing grace on the beach capped it. Maybe it doesn't make sense but for me it just really brought my Father's presence there. All in all and absolutely amazing day!! The weather helped to!! :)  I think that's the nicest it's ever been when I've been on the beach. Oregon beaches tend to be cool, cloudy and breezy and sometimes even misty rain. Last Saturday it was none of the above! I can't say I've walked on an Oregon beach and had the sand be too hot! It was Saturday!! Helped make the water feel not so cold! (Oregon Beaches have FREEZING water!!)

On another note Christina is doing AWESOME!!! It's so wonderful to see you child recover and really open herself up both spiritually and naturally. This mom is on cloud 9. :)

I love the blue against the trees here!

Empty to begin with!

Christina kicking up her heels. :)

There was ground fog almost all day.

Awesome Birthday! :)

What a month this has been! Luckily it ended on a really wonderful note!!! As always this time of year is tough with so many different 'trigger' times in it. It starts with Mother's Day and finalizes with Father's Day, with the Rose parade and my birthday in between. This year my birthday and Father's Day followed one day after another. I typically have anxiety problems in my gut but that was extremely low level this years since I finally had my hormone levels checked and found out they were WAY out of whack. I technically should have been having more issues then I was having!! This year the anxiety went to the next vulnerable area, my neck and shoulders. I had fifth disease in my early 30's and that's where it really settled. I literally couldn't move my head for months and now have arthritis there because of it. Luckily I have a awesome Bowenworks lady that worked with my neck and shoulders and it has helped tremendously! I can almost completely turn my head to both sides. It's taken 3 weeks to do it though!! I know having Scarlet's issue with diabetes didn't help matters any but a lot of things are just the way they are and you can't do anything about it. So you learn to deal. And pray!!! I truly think that's why I wasn't worse mood wise with my out of whack hormones. I know it helped years ago when I'd have my monthly crankiness!! :)

Now on to my wonderful day yesterday! :)  I got taken to a little tea house in West Linn. Awesome place!!! There's a cute little store and they have a tea room in the back. The food is soooo good!!! You get a little bit of this and a little bit of that as well as a pot of tea. Lots of teas to choose from! They even do gluten free and what they substitute for the scone is so light and yummy!! You'd never know it's was gluten free. There were 6 of us and 3 of us had birthday's yesterday! 2 hours later we had to leave so the next batch of people could come in to eat. They do the reservations in 2 hour shifts. There was an 11, 1, 3 and maybe 5? I think it's called Blue Moon. I'm thinking this would be a lovely tradition to set. Go to the Blue Moon for my birthday each year.

From there I went to the Red, White and Blue store. I found a very pretty dishware set for $20. 12 plates, 12 saucer plates, 11 salad plates, 10 bowls and 7 cups. Here's a picture of what it looks like:

I love, love, love the pattern!!! Now I can get rid of the 25 year old everyday dishes. I was more then ready for a new set but have been keeping an eye out at this store since they have such awesome bargains. I also found a bunch of Bernstein Bear and Magic School Bus books for the girls. The pack's of books are between $2.95 and $4.95 and you get around 8 books per a pack. I also found a really nice purse for $3 and a pack of office supplies that had really cute kitty stationary in it as well as a couple of other packs of stationary, a couple of notebooks that I know are worth at least $5 each, rubber bands, glue sticks etc. All of that was just over $40!!! My birthday treat to me thanks to a friend giving me birthday money! I highly recommend that store! They have really amazing stuff for very reasonable prices. I just looked them up and they're actually in 9 different states!

After that I got taken to dinner by my Mother-in-Law. Black Angus has the most awesome fried zucchini and cucumber dip! Yummmm!!!  And I got to see Blake and Erika and the girls. Christina was there as well. :)  On a side note, I'm out of touch with restaurant prices... they're getting ridiculous, but then so are the grocery store prices so I guess it makes sense.

And then lunch with Lee I. today. A lovely way to end a stress filled month!!!

Scarlet's update

As many of you know Scarlet really gave us a scare late Sunday night! Teagan and Scarlet had both been sick with the flu (para influenza type 3 to be exact thanks to hospital testing), so Erika didn't really think much of it when she threw up and starting getting dehydrated. But when she tried to do something about the dehydration it just got worse and she got listless and started becoming unresponsive Erika took her into Mt. Hood. I believe she reached coma stage right about the time that they reached the hospital. When they did a brain scan they saw 2 spots but no swelling. Then they took her by ambulance to Randal's Children's Hospital. Her blood sugar levels were at 566 when she went in! A test that helps them determine what past levels have been showed that she's been over 300 for AT LEAST 2 months! She's only 7 months (8 the 26th of May). It's no wonder she hasn't smiled as much as Teagan did, she's probably been feeling awful for a long time! There is a chance that she was actually born with the diabetes and it's not Type 1. We actually hope that's the case since there's a good chance she'd grow out of it and not need insulin when she's an adult. But their fairly sure that it is Type 1. We have to wait 10 days for that test to come back and somewhere around 6 weeks for the test results of the other type. As of now Scarlet is on 2 units of long lasting insulin once a day in the evening. (It has to be administered at the exact same time every day) and then on the quick working insulin as needed. Blood sugars get checked before each feeding if it has been over 3 hours since the last insulin shot. But blood sugars do not need to be checked if she eats and it's only been 2 hours since the last insulin shot. At this point sometimes she needs the insulin shot before eating and sometimes not. She's went a couple of feedings at times without needing it. Target range is 100-200 for blood sugar readings.

She technically came out of her coma Monday afternoon, however her levels needed a lot of work needless to say. Interestingly enough the one they had the most trouble with was the ionized calcium, it kept dropping. That one finally stayed at acceptable levels yesterday. That is the free floating calcium in the blood stream. She started off pretty listless but has quickly gained strength. I honestly think this is the best she has felt her whole short life! Yesterday she got moved from ICU and today (Friday) she got to go home. They were saying Saturday just yesterday but I think since Erika did such an awesome job of stepping to the plate and taking care of blood sugar readings and giving the shots they realized she was in very competent hands and let her out early!

There was an MRI done to check the spots on the brain and they believe that it is bleeding due to lack of oxygen when she went into the coma but they aren't absolutely positive if there was bleeding. The spots were in the same spot an each side of her brain on the frontal lobe. They don't think at this point it will affect her long term since she's doing so well, however only time will tell. They told them to keep an eye on her development. She's been very interactive. Apparently it's far enough back that the doctor can't say for sure if there will be issues. If it was further forward she could have said what we'd notice so the doctor said that is actually good news that she doesn't know! She does have a spot of calcification on her brain stem that they found while doing the MRI and that is totally unrelated to what happen this week. The neurologist has no clue why it's there or what caused it and is going to research it. In four months they'll do another scan to make sure that it hasn't grown. Who knows maybe this calcification is why the whole thing happened this way! She had to have the MRI to find that spot of calcification.

Here's the thing though, Erika has said all along that she urinated A LOT more then Teagan ever did and has said that multiple times to the doctor. She also has been sick a lot. It seems like she gets every single virus that comes along and that she takes forever to get over the illnesses. Her last month in the womb she really didn't gain weight and they've never been able to figure out why since that's when most weight is put on. However she did gain weight fairly quickly after she was born. But still she's not near as 'chunky' as Teagan was. She's right around 15 lbs. Another sign was how often she ate. Erika said she seemed to be a bottomless pit. Teagan was sleeping through the night by now and Scarlet very rarely has done that. It seems like every two or three hours she's ready to eat again. Erika has nursed her this whole time although she has started getting some baby food the last month and half. Another sign was her breathing, when she gets sick she has problems with her breathing, in reality she's had problems since birth with her breathing. She was in NICU her first week due to that. Looking back all of those are signs of diabetes but since it only happens to less then 1% of babies it just never occured to the doctors.

Lots of detail here and quite frankly I'm typing the detail so if my missing husband ever decides to look for the blog what's going on with his granddaughter is here! I'm so thankful for the out pouring of love and care that everyone has shown. I'm sure there was lots of prayers going up for Scarlet this week! I've been very thankful for my faith and for a Father that can give so much comfort in times of turmoil.

Here's some of my favorite pictures: