A struggle

It's been laid on my heart that I need to stop watching news videos. I don't have TV and don't want to have it but I do like knowing what's going on. So this is quite a struggle for me. Tonight I did watch some news clips and it has left me with a very yucky feeling inside. It's very hard to discribe the feeling but yucky is as close as I can get. Really it's a separation from my Father. One thing that came to me before meeting was if there is hesitation and isn't immediate obedience to what my Father lays on my heart then hesitation leads to distraction and, well, distraction typically leads to not doing what was laid on the heart. I am better understanding how Esau carefully sought with tears repentance but never found it. My struggle with this has made that come to light. To be truly repentant means it's from the heart and there's no justification left to do it all over again. There's no, but something big just happened, I want to take a quick look and see what's going on. It's hard but something I truly need to do. A thought was shared in testimony Sunday that perfectly fits my feelings. When something is first laid on the heart there's a feeling if urgency but the next day that feeling isn't quite as strong and before you know it, what was laid on the heart not to do is creeping back in. Those aren't the exact words but I believe that was the close. It so perfectly fits the struggle. Those news clips then lead to more news clips etc. it can all be very interesting naturally but it really isn't worth the feeling that was in my heart this evening! My Farther has let me know his feelings about it on no uncertain terms!! He's left no doubts! Now I HAVE to listen or if I'm not careful I will find myself in the place Esau was and I most certainly don't want that!